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          A Good Marriage

          September 03, 2002

          After being happily married for more than 40 years, Dr. Phil shares some of his thoughts about what makes a marriage work:

          • The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.
          • You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.
          • If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.
          • Forget whether you’re right or wrong. The question is: Is what you’re doing working or not working?
          • There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it’s not working and be honest when it needs fixing.
          • Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.
          • You don’t fix things by fixing your partner.
          • Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.
          • You don’t necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.
          • Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.
          • You teach people how to treat you. You can renegotiate the rules.

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