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          Healing a Broken Heart

          July 13, 2005


          There’s no question that breakups can be painful, and that it’s difficult to trust and love again. But there are ways to get past the pain. Here is some of Dr. Phil’s advice for healing the heartbreak:


          • In time, it is absolutely vital to put the pain behind you and move forward with your life and love. Otherwise, you are giving away your power to the people who hurt you.

          • Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. Moving past a breakup is about you, not your ex.

          • Don’t start thinking about being friends right away — if ever. You have to be your own friend first.

          • Grief is a process to go through, not a destination in which to wallow. In a process, you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and each little step is part of your healing.

          • Define your real intentions. Are you trying to move past the breakup, or are you hoping to get back with your ex? You won’t move on until you’ve accepted that the relationship is over.

          • Be careful about the language you use. When you use catastrophic terms like “nightmare,” “terrible,” and “horrible,” you’re bound to spend time dwelling on the negative. Focus on what you can do.

          • Sometimes you can’t get over being hurt until you know you’ve been heard. Give yourself permission to express your anger and sadness.

          • Don’t embarrass yourself or put yourself in a situation where you’ll look back and feel humiliated. Driving past your ex’s house, making dozens of phone calls or e-mailing non-stop is no way to let go of the past or come out with your head high.

          • Learn to trust again. Whenever you get involved in a relationship, you know there’s a risk. Don’t let a bad experience keep you from living your life to the fullest. You can go through life suspicious, or loving and laughing.

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