Relationships/Sex

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Common Excuses of Abusers and Their Victims




Do you wonder if you're in an abusive relationship? Read the following excuses that abusers and their victims give. Abusers often blame others for their behavior. There is NO EXCUSE that justifies being abusive to another person.

Typical Abuser Excuses:

  • “I was just joking.”
  • “I was having a bad day.”
  • “You got me upset.”
  • “It won’t happen again.”
  • “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
  • “You deserved it.”
  • “You know what sets me off.”
  • “You’re just as bad as me.”
  • “You know I have an anger problem.”
  • “It didn’t happen like that.”

Women who are being abused often minimize what their abusive partner is doing, and give their own excuses for why they won't leave. 

Excuses Victims Give for Not Leaving an Abusive Relationship:

  • “It was my fault. I got him mad.”
  • “He apologized, promised it wouldn’t happen again.”
  • “It doesn’t happen all the time.”
  • “I know he loves me, and I love him.”
  • “We have a lot of great times together.”
  • “I don’t want to because of the children.”
  • “I don’t have a job.”
  • “Nobody else wants me.”
  • “I’m afraid he will kill me.”
  • “I don’t have enough money.”
  • “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

Do you recognize yourself or your partner in the above excuses? You may be in a dangerous relationship with unhealthy patterns. Please seek help — call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (7233).