Topic : What it is like living day to day with chronic pain:

Created on : Thursday, October 20, 2005, 07:22:22 am

Author : katlover

My therapist advised me to keep a diary to help me to recover from major depressive disorder associated with chronic pain, several injuries from an accident I was involved in almost six years ago, the resulting traumas to my body, learning to accept who I am right now and carry on with my life they way it is rather than the way it was.

I believe that in sharing our stories with each other it can help others and in that way we can help ourselves. No man or woman is an island completely alone and separate.

I have had chronic pain for almost six years now. Constant burning pain in and around the left knee, some burning pain in the right knee both resulting from permanent nerve damage, muscle pain from myofacial pain syndrome, arthritus pain in every joint, back & hip pain from damaged discs in my lower back and the very real physical pain from major depressive disorder.

This picture is what my back looked like the day after I had the trial surgery for a spinal cord stimulator implant done on 7/12/04. It was successful and the real implant surgery was done on 8/4/04. I use a remote device to turn it on when the pain in my left knee drives me crazy. And it also blocks some ot the back pain from the discs and some of the pain in my hips. The leads were placed at T-10. Unfortunately, this surgery has caused some urinary incontinence. Jerry Lewis also had this sugery last year and he is doing very well. I hope he doesn't pee his pants though!

It has been a nightmare and a learning experience all at the same time. I feel like these years were stolen from my life some of the time. The rest of the time I am pushing myself to feel better and LIVE my life. I have been successful at this most of the time. But I tell ya there are days............................

Nancy

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katlover

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November 8, 2005, 1:50 am

Lab work results are in:

I have abnormally high antinuclear antibodies which is indicative of rhumatoid arthritus, lupus and some other stuff. This test was supposed to rule out rhumatoid arthritus darn it. I see the rhumatologist on Wed.

On the bright side, perhaps some of the symptoms I have that are so annoying (like the painful joints and nodules) can be treated. I have had lumps under both arms and in my groin for two years now. All doctors said these were not lymph nodes. The bad part is the treatment is often cortizone injections into the nodules.

Just how many more things are wrong with my body?

Good news is the liver scan came back normal!

I completed a "stained glass" sun catcher painting today. It is The Goddess painted in rainbow colors and framed by celtic knots. It is an 8x10 piece. Looks pretty good! I have done ten of them in the last month. All of them are celtic designs. It is going in the "for sale" pile.

Pain level today was a 2 or 3 this morning before I did some errands. The afternoon was a 2 and tonight a 5. I only took one vicodin today several hours after taking the methadone. So that is a positive thing.

I signed up for low income energy assistance program this morning. I got there a few minutes after 8 and was #4 in line. My electricity can not be turned off for non-payment from now until April 1st. Social Services paid my 124.17 electric bill today.

I will receive a check from them in Feb. for $100.00. I also found out that I have an allotment each year of $300 and used 124.17 today. So if I get into a pinch with electricity and/or water bill the tab will be picked up by Social Services. I don't intend on using the heater until it is absolutely necessary.

Thank goodness I had the foresight to buy all down linen and pillows while I was still working and had the funds. They should keep me fairly warm. The cats sleep on the down blanket at the end of the bed. I put it there to keep my feet warm.

I see my shrink in a few hours (9:30) and will take the lab results with me.

When I get home I will call both of my daughters to see if they will cover my car payment or pay it off. I only owe $1,446 on it.

Still no news from Social Security. Dammit.

I have enough cash on hand to buy some dogfood tomorrow and put $5 worth of gas in the tank so I can make it to the doctor tomorrow, Wed. and Friday. Cats have another week of food. I do need cat litter though. Maybe I can roll some coins to buy that.

So are things better or worse for me? A little of both. But if I get disapproved by Social Security I am so screwed!

Nancy

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