Topic : What it is like living day to day with chronic pain:

Created on : Thursday, October 20, 2005, 07:22:22 am

Author : katlover

My therapist advised me to keep a diary to help me to recover from major depressive disorder associated with chronic pain, several injuries from an accident I was involved in almost six years ago, the resulting traumas to my body, learning to accept who I am right now and carry on with my life they way it is rather than the way it was.

I believe that in sharing our stories with each other it can help others and in that way we can help ourselves. No man or woman is an island completely alone and separate.

I have had chronic pain for almost six years now. Constant burning pain in and around the left knee, some burning pain in the right knee both resulting from permanent nerve damage, muscle pain from myofacial pain syndrome, arthritus pain in every joint, back & hip pain from damaged discs in my lower back and the very real physical pain from major depressive disorder.

This picture is what my back looked like the day after I had the trial surgery for a spinal cord stimulator implant done on 7/12/04. It was successful and the real implant surgery was done on 8/4/04. I use a remote device to turn it on when the pain in my left knee drives me crazy. And it also blocks some ot the back pain from the discs and some of the pain in my hips. The leads were placed at T-10. Unfortunately, this surgery has caused some urinary incontinence. Jerry Lewis also had this sugery last year and he is doing very well. I hope he doesn't pee his pants though!

It has been a nightmare and a learning experience all at the same time. I feel like these years were stolen from my life some of the time. The rest of the time I am pushing myself to feel better and LIVE my life. I have been successful at this most of the time. But I tell ya there are days............................

Nancy

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katlover

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November 8, 2005, 8:32 pm

Level 8 Pain:

Today by 10 pm I had already taken my day's allowance of methadone and the three vicodin. I am going to swallow a Celebrex before going to bed.

I know exactly what caused it too. STRESS, excessive stress.

I still have not heard a damn word from the SSA as promised by them.
The bank called twice today to ask about Oct.'s truck payment. I will call them first thing in the morning and don't know what to say to them about when it will be paid. I have to ask my daughter for a loan and I hate to do this. They are very stingy people her and her husband. But I cannot lose this vehicle especially since I only owe $1,446 left. So it was stress causing the extra pain.
Worried about what the new doctor will be like. Hoping he pays attention to what I am telling him. Worried about what he will diagnose with the lab results. Knowing he will order more testing. Worring about if he will lance all of the large painful lumps in my armpits.
I had to listen to Deb vent about her anger with Dr. Bullard. She was pissed because he saw these lumps two years ago and called them trigger points. He did nothing further and advised nothing. She said she did not like this man. She felt he should have asked me to go back to my primary and these blood tests be done or he should have had them done in his office. I know she means well but it was hard to hear it from her.

I won't post much here tonight as I am fatigued from all the worrying and from going to the shrink today.

I watched Dr. Phil today and was amazed at how shallow and childish the three couples behaved. They have no idea how lucky they are in this life. And they received all those gifts and money for their bad behavior too.

What I would not give for a vacation and some cash that they got today. I think that I need a vacation like those with Deb so much. It would be fantastic to get away to a resort where the sun is shining; lying around on a beach drinking a virgin strawberry margarita, having a massage or two, nice romantic dinners, long walks on the beach with Deb, etc. Far from all my troubles, no bill collectors calling, no chores to do and doctors and all their poking and probing. They have no freaking clue how lucky they are at all.

I am tired now. Very tired to the bones.

Nancy

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