Okay I did it. But I did not do it in the way that I wanted to do it. I left a message on Deb's answering machine. I was very diplomatic and tried to be as unemotional as possible. To me that means not blubbering. LOL She did not call last night. And I am okay with that.
I have no power to pound the message home to her nor would I want to. I send a message to her about boundaries. It is now up to her to either accept the boundaries and try not to overstep them or reject me for speaking out and setting the boundaries.
It is not easy setting boundaries. It is hard. But it gets easier to do the more we do it. I set practical boundaries that are not hard to follow or understand. I accept that we are all human and make mistakes. I accept the fact that not everyone is not going to agree with me. And I accept the fact that someone can set boundaries for me and that I have to respect that without resentment unless they are totally unrealistic.
I can't believe how calm I am today and how much the pain is reduced too. I am loving that.
Last night my ex came over to bring me a check for $300 and that relieves my mind a lot. It was fun visiting with her and her partner too. We sat and chatted for an hour or so catching up with news about our families. They are so cute together and have been together since right after she and I broke up back in 1999. They go very well together and seem very happy.
So yeah today is a brighter day for me. I can pay my car payment. I don't know why I keep calling it a car payment because my vehicle is actually a pick up truck. I am a gardener and needed a truck to haul stuff. LOL
I should get a check from my aunt today for $100! This will allow me to buy dog food for Johannes. Last night was the first night for Johannes without dog food. But I did serve him up a hefty meal of chicken and rice that I prepared. He gulped it down like he was starving. Well he always eats like that; his last meal. LOL He is having more chicken and rice today too. I have a few cans of lima beans that I will throw in for protein too. He eats everything!
I will buy some beef bones today to make for his dinner tomorrow with more rice. He loves rice btw!
I went to bed last night about 10 and woke at 5am completely rested and refreshed. All the cats were with me last night snuggled close I could hardly move. As ususal King Frankie (the baby of the house) was up there on the throne down pillow. Mary and her g/f thought he was adorable. He did his little trick of climbing into his basket atop the refrigeration, resting his chin on the edge and looking down on us. It looks like he is frowning with his fat cheeks all poufed out. They laughed at him.
I feel like working in the garden today and it has been months since I have felt good enough to do that. It needs a lot of pruning and cutting of the grass. And weeding too. But I will spray roundup carefully as I don't feel well enough to go around stooping and bending.
I let someone have it yesterday. I went to get my flu shot and on the way out I was directed by a nurse to head down a long hallway to the other doors. I was using my cane as I do in crowds. I asked her if I could go out the door I came in and she refused me. This meant I had to walk down a very long hallway to outside and double back to where I parked the truck. I walked out that door angry. And said to myself hey that isn't right and I don't want to carry this anger home with me. So instead of getting back to my truck I walked back into the original door with the intention of talking to the RN that refused my request. The first door on the left was the director and he was in there doing nothing but picking at his fingernails. I tapped the door and asked for permission to enter.
I told him what happened and he explained it away saying it was a confusing situation around there with all the people getting the flu shots. I told him that I have nerve damage in both legs and that an exception should have been made. He responded with we have to do what is best for everyone. And I said that an exception should be made for persons with disabilities. I walked out leaving the anger there.
I have been in management and know how to handle complaints of this sort. His answer was wrong. It should have been "I am so sorry that happened to you and I will speak with that nurse about this situation. Thank you for bringing it to my attention." Even if he didn't give a crap, this silences the complaint and eases hurt feelings. I am going to talk to Kindle my therapist about this on Wed. She would want to know this is happening in the building where she works; the Social Services and Health Dept all work together.
Anyway I am glad that I confronted him. In case anyone thinks I am mean I always handle things like this in a very diplomatic manner, never show anger. This is the best way to handle it for me anyway. If you confront someone and you are shaking with anger they are just going to look at you like you are a nut job. And they won't listen to what you are saying either.
I am growing to love this journaling more and more everyday. I could get hooked on this.
Oh a person I know has one of those glucose monitors and wants to give it to me. It is brand new and they cost about $30! That is so sweet of her.
Well off to do some chores now. And I feel great today!
Nancy
