Topic : What it is like living day to day with chronic pain:

Created on : Thursday, October 20, 2005, 07:22:22 am

Author : katlover

My therapist advised me to keep a diary to help me to recover from major depressive disorder associated with chronic pain, several injuries from an accident I was involved in almost six years ago, the resulting traumas to my body, learning to accept who I am right now and carry on with my life they way it is rather than the way it was.

I believe that in sharing our stories with each other it can help others and in that way we can help ourselves. No man or woman is an island completely alone and separate.

I have had chronic pain for almost six years now. Constant burning pain in and around the left knee, some burning pain in the right knee both resulting from permanent nerve damage, muscle pain from myofacial pain syndrome, arthritus pain in every joint, back & hip pain from damaged discs in my lower back and the very real physical pain from major depressive disorder.

This picture is what my back looked like the day after I had the trial surgery for a spinal cord stimulator implant done on 7/12/04. It was successful and the real implant surgery was done on 8/4/04. I use a remote device to turn it on when the pain in my left knee drives me crazy. And it also blocks some ot the back pain from the discs and some of the pain in my hips. The leads were placed at T-10. Unfortunately, this surgery has caused some urinary incontinence. Jerry Lewis also had this sugery last year and he is doing very well. I hope he doesn't pee his pants though!

It has been a nightmare and a learning experience all at the same time. I feel like these years were stolen from my life some of the time. The rest of the time I am pushing myself to feel better and LIVE my life. I have been successful at this most of the time. But I tell ya there are days............................

Nancy

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katlover

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November 14, 2005, 7:35 pm

Feel Like A Mac Truck hit me:

So tired today. And hurting a lot in the muscles of my lower body. Too much stress still hanging around. I have not heard from Social Securtiy as yet. They are now over 130 days out. What was all that about having an answer before 120 days?

Do they understand what happens when a person does not work for 14 months? We can't live on love alone. I feel choked to death by all the pressure inside. And starting to have a lot of trouble sleeping. As soon as I doze off I wake up with heart beating quickly and tears in my eyes.

I think I may have discovered why my feet hurt so much. Though I have been examined by four doctors and they "don't know." I put in hurting feet into yahoo and came up with a few sites for podiarists and they all gave one possibility in common. Very tight calf muscles.

That makes sense considering if the calf muscles are in a constant state of constriction that affects the muscls, tendons and ligaments of the feet. This forces the person to walk in a strange way which leads to pain in the feet.

So last night I began a series of stretching exercises just for the calves; this is to be done three times a day and to be stopped with severe pain. I will let you know in a week or so if this was the problem.

When I say my feet hurt I am understating the truth. Lightly stubbing my toes causes severe pain from the toe to the hips. There are painful nodules on the sides of my toes, underneath the toes and at the ankles. This began in the spring of 2004.

I do hope this is the problem and if so there are four doctors who are going to be receiving a letter advising them of what they missed. I will be happy when more is known about myofacial pain syndrome. Because so many people have it and a lot of needless suffering could be avoided.

Sometimes I think doctors do know but want you coming back again and again for the $$$$$$$$$$$$$!

I keep saying tomorrow maybe the answer will come. If it is a no I will be in a very bad place. Too sick and fatigued to work and then no money to keep a roof over my head. I will have to go back to work. I can't hold on the 12 to 14 months an appeal would require. How can I work? How can I work enough hours to pay my basics. I just don't know. This is all wearing me down even further..................

Nancy

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