Topic : Breaking my self-destructive HABITS

Created on : Monday, January 02, 2006, 09:13:41 am

Author : marcia52

I have spent last year (2005) working hard on bringing closure to my long time goals of home maker, financial management, seamstress, etc. Some of these goals have been with me since I was a child (I wanted to dance at 8 and was told I was horrible - and then stopped going). I'm 53 years old now and I'm just finally allowing myself to explore the side of me who I've denied all these years.

I got lost back when I was 8 -- I misread the events that were happening to me at the time and Now -- well I've learned how to stop the nonsense and move forward at long last!

Lucky for me, I'm very analytical; however, I'm also very anal at the same time. And I gave myself 1 year to get my act together -- I gave myself 2005 to just stop the nonsense and begin to get my life back.

The thing I learned in 2005 is that even when you worked out the stuff within in the brain, you have HABITS that keep you were you are. It took me a while to fully understand BEHAVE MYSELF TO xxxxx. Isn't it weird how even words have layers as you explore your life?

Anyway, this is my 2nd diary that I've started here. The 1st one was written in September after I named FEAR & ANXIETY and allowed myself to begin facing emotional tapes I had written as a child. I still am facing quite a few of them.

Now, I'm at a safe place. I feel comfortable. And I'm not even sure if I'm financially secure or not. However, I have made notible changes in my spending habits and my homemaker habits are stronger than they ever were.

I'm going to work 45-days on breaking my long-standing habits. It will bring me closer to finally being able to work on other things I've wanted to all my life like write a novel or go camping or open a dance/exercise studio.

I'm not sure where I'm going to be on Feb. 13, 2006 (Monday); however, it will be where I WANT TO BE.

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marcia52

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February 9, 2006, 10:31 am

Day 41 - Thurs 2/9

Today is the support group meeting .. I really do need this level of accountability. I am just so close to re-emerging into the world.

Last night, I began to pull together all the goals and habits I'm going to be focusing on. I know now that by having my goals & TO DOs connected, I have problems realizing when I've gone into a major relapse.

I'm going to commit to 90-days this time. I'm going to end my habit of piling stuff all over my house. I know it's because I need to BEHAVE myself into my new behavior and that will take time and commitment.

I am already developing a review list of questions. I know that it's going to be hard for me at first ... then I'll be able to just do it and then stop and then pick it up again. I'm starting off really really slow.

This is my 20+ year old goal. I can do this for me. I can stand up and rely on me to fulfill my life long dream .... to be a home manager and cook. To exercise daily. I can do this and it will not be hard!

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