Messages By: sunshine80

I have been really depressed lately.  I have been trying to locate some of the really good friends that I had before I was involved with my ex-husband.  I have found some and they all tried to warn me and get me away from my ex but I wouldn't listen.  I am just so thankful that I got in contact with a few.  I told them that they are all entitled to all of the "told-ya-so's" that they want.  I didn't respect these people enough to listen.  I messed up and there's no one to blame but me.  I'm looking at the cost of being with a toxic person and it is way too expensive.

I'm just grittin my teeth her because I am coming out of a major depressive episode.  I've noticed that for better or for worse these things change you.  I did the normal "get better"  routine.  I got my hair done in a style that I absolutely love, bought a new outfit, got new makeup, and even added a new one, getting my nails done!  Guess What!  I am still just riding below normal.  As I have stated my previous messages I am sick of the denial that has led me to not acknowledge the full extent of my situation financially.  I've ignored bills for more than four years, and I could have been chipping away at them.  But I haven't required enough of myself.  I haven't worked at a lot of the inside stuff that makes you feel more self-confident.  I am gettin tough with myself and making myself take a good long look at what I am doing to better myself.  I finally got a bank account and that is going well.  My goal is to put 1/2 of my check and 1/2 of my tips in the bank.  Let's see how far that gets me.  I still have the huge change urn, too.  I think I will go to that place down the road to do the personality inventory to help you match up what careers would best suit you.  I am sure it will be painless.  Wish me luck!

 

There was this incident I was required roundabout $1000 for a contract cell phone.  This made me feel so angry and ashomed I have held a steady job for over 3 years and been doing the best I can to raise my 3 children.  I was just so sick of being treated like this because I made some bad decisions that lead to horrid credit as well!  Well I guess every cloud does have a silver lining and it is simply this: they gave me the contact info for experian and said that I could get a free credit report if I requested within 60 days.  I have so many old bills that I don't even know who I owe money to let alone how much.  I am not proud of this but this simply is what is.  I feel like I am at a point in my life that I need to start facing these things and taking care of business.  I need some closure on my past and I am an honest person so these bills have been a burden for four long years.  It's just so much easier to start a task when you know what it is, what it entails, and can find a place to start!

Wish me luck at getting out of debt and facing my past and taking control of my financial future!

I will spare you the long list of the bad things that I have gone through, but I will tell you that the fallout of which has had a tremendous effect on my young life.  I have gone from being stuck in my kitchen  (agoraphobia) in an abusive relationship to having some friends.  I have gone from being unable to hold a job to completely disabled.  Guess what I have held a steady job for over three years.  I have changed jobs, but I have moved to better paying more desirable jobs.  Now I am so proud of my job.  I am a waitress.   Me!  The pushover who used to run away if someone spoke to them.  I still have trust issues but I am over my phobia of having a bank account for fear that my ex would get ahold of my money.  I am able to pay my bills on time because I have a checking account.  I feel more like I am winning in life than ever.

Here we are in 2006!  Upon reflection, I am realizing how many light years that I have jumped from last year's resolution.  In late May, I finally started leaving the house and going out.  I started meeting men (that was really scary) and making friends.  Last year, I made it my resolution to make a friend.  This year, I want to improve my listening skills.  I received Love Smart for Christmas and it is the greatest gift that I have ever received.  I have a great candidate that I, at least, want to get to know a great deal more.  Right now he is not Mr. 80%, but I would really feel like I would be missing out on a great buddy.  I am not too serious about "catching", but I am about learning.