Messages By: milady1789

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Worried

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angry

July 6, 2006, 5:53 pm

Here we go again

Oh My God!!!

Here we go again on the roller coaster of hell in a hand basket. My emotions are so raw these days, I just can't make sense of teenagers. If I could just skip these years I would. My mental health is fragile one moment and raging the next. My son has been sneaking around with that whore again. Life is hell. She brings out the worst in him. Lieing, stealing and just plain lazyness. I tell myself this is not my son. His regret in losing football has depressed him so much that the "whore will understand". My god all the sessions of staring at the ceiling were for nothing. Dragging us around by our last nerve is too much. He finally made me snap, I sent him to stay with friends in Florida. Hopefully, away from her and me will make him see, I really dont know what, but he's not here driving me insane. Just a break, my God I needed it.

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milady1789

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Worried

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frustrated

June 14, 2006, 3:52 pm

Completely Dumbfounded

Well, here I am again. Alex is back in our home till when I don't know. But at least I have him. The "arrest" was horrible, but tough love is. I watched as if in a dream, handcuff's and the back seat of the sherriffs car went my son. He spent the weekend in juvenile jail. At least he's safe and out of the drug world. Monday morning, Amy goes with me to pick him up. To see my son in leg shackles was more than I could take. I remember thinking, "Legs dont leave me" Amy held me up as I recounted to the judge why I had listed him as unruly. The fighting, drugs and girlfriend problems. The drug test was a relief slightly it could have been worse. Just pot but pots the doorway to harder drugs. How could a girl talk Alex into truancy, drugs, smoking and a disgrace is beyond me. But she has a weapon I dont have. Sex is her weapon of choice. But finally two months of hell later we are left with the shell of a boy we raised. I know he's my son by looks only. He's has changed completely to the shell we see. He has looked back on the six months of hell and has wondered how and why. I have no answers other than loving him. If only a lot of things but I cant unring the bell. He has lost alot of school, football and now the total blinding love of me. I look at him in disgust almost and say to myself only "I told you so". I now have a love hate relationship with him. Completely disgusted regarding his choices and then I remember the small boy hugging my legs and saying "one more cookie mommy". I cant get over the utter disappointment. He could have gone so far with his football career - college - but he chose her and drugs over football. Now he'll hopefully graduate high school and go right to the workforce as what I dont know. But the potential was there. He made the choice after all the BS and chose not to rejoin the team, but regret is really heavy to carry in your life. He already regrets his decision. He longing looks at his old football pics and drives to practice just to the fence and sobs. It broke my heart still does. To be 17 and realize what you could have had. But now he's a depressed shell. To admit your parents are right is hard. We have tried counseling but staring at the ceiling doesnt help. Kathy tried everything she said he won't open up. He's skipped the last two appts. So the battle to save his mental life is a harder one. I'm against the wall, there's no way for me to reach him. Only becuz I'm the enemy to him. All the men in my life are going to Florida for vacation, maybe his dad can reach him. My younger son suffers as well. He started mothering me becuz I have been suffering mentally as well. Maybe a week away from me will help somewhat. Eric just has the break the wall Alex has up. Come back to me is all I really want. We can work thru this as well together, but only if he would just talk. My heart is heavy.

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