Messages By: bj1962

Hi Chris...it's good to 'see' you :-)

Have you considered a web-cam for the girls and yourself? I know that it isn't the same as physically being there, but for young children it seems to be the next best thing...or so I hear. It appears that many grandparents living a distance tend to have them to speak to their grandchildren, that way they have a visual as well as an audio 'visit'.

Again...it's good to hear from you.

Take good care....

It could be me writing this, except for my age and the medical concerns...my heart feels for you, but in a good way.

As you move away from the 'toxic' relationship with your 'sister'....feel the 'freedom'. The freedom from being judged, being emotionally thrown under the bus..and being the 'scape goat'.

At first (and maybe for quite a long time), that feeling may almost scare you...the 'freedom' part....it feels 'safer' as time goes by. Maybe like myself you have known having the rug pulled out from under you by those who claim to 'love' you, it is hard to get past that...but you can...it takes time.

A wise woman once said to me that the distance between being a victim and a survivor can be dealt with in a 'creative way'...it took me until I was 38 years old to 'get' that....and I am still growing in that.

Being a 'creative survivor' is changing your life, nothing to do with others...but being happy in your own. We can untangle those woven into the threads so deeply, it actually becomes easier as we go along.

In some ways I see it as weeding our garden of life, when the choking weeds are removed...the flower comes to blossom.

I wish you only the best in your journey....be well and take good care of you...that little girl inside...love her like no one else has.

A Creative Survivor....me.

Hi Michelle,

I want to say that I think that you are an awesome mother, not everyone can put themselves behind the needs of their children. Your boy is going to go far, with your love and help he will surpass what many view as 'limits'.

Just a question about his communication prompts cards/board, does he point or use eye gazing to show you what he needs/wants? I think the greatest part of that is knowing that you can understand what he needs/wants, although I find that most moms know instinctively what their child is 'needing'.

I totally understand the crying Michelle, please be very kind to yourself...you are a great mom.

Have a wonderful day...

...BJ 

Good morning :-)

You sound like such a strong woman, your children are lucky to have you. I can understand why you want some commitment from your husband, it is important to know what/who you can count on...especially for your children. Being consistent is one of the good basic ground rules in parenting, kids need a firm foundation to know what to 'expect' in their family life.

I have always figured (and told) our kids that the world can be harsh at times, but the one thing you can count on is coming home...it's a 'safe' place to land, and they know what to 'expect'.

Your little lady sounds like a fine girl :-) I know that it can be difficult for siblings to feel like they get as much positive attention when one child seems to need so much time from the parent(s). Our youngest daughter (now 21) had a near drowning accident when she was 2, she has required a lot of time and effort from all of us. Our boys are now in their 20's as well and are able to voice how it felt to be a sibling of a disabled youngest child, they have actually grown into fine young men. We had to remember to notice the positive things that they accomplished and not to dwell on the negative, because truly that is what they will remember; and what they come to expect of themselves in life.

You sound like a good strong mom, don't forget to do something for you as well!

Have a great day!

BJ

Hi!

I have been following your posts for a bit now, I must say thanks for sharing :-)

I am just wondering how old your son is? I have read back but I just can't seem to find his age, thanks in advance.

Have A Good Day!

I must say congrats on being clean and sober for the past two years, that is something to be very proud of!

I went through a 'cross road' not too long ago in my own life, trying to decide what/where to place my focus and energy on. I sat down and wrote a few ideas on a bright sheet of paper (sunshine yellow!), and then I tacked it to the fridge. As the days went on I ran even more things through my mind, pondering what appealed to me...as they came I added them to the list. Eventually I was adding happy faces to the ideas that got me excited, and stroking off some that I had re-thought. I guess for myself it was a way to keep my mind open and flowing without putting myself into any stress over having to sit down and make 'decisions'.

All of the best in narrowing down what you decide to do, shoot for the moon! It's your list...let yourself dream :) At one point I even added solving world hunger on my sunshine yellow paper!...and for a while I basked in the feeling of being able to do just that ...climb great mountains! :-)

And again...congratulations on your two years! The world is yours to dream!

BJ

Somehow I must share with you Prof, that I feel a tad sneaky, and I am pressed to make a confession of sorts. I have just spent the past three days reading your entries, starting in 2005, leading to the present.

I do hope that you have a method of 'recording' what you have written, it would be a terrible shame to have even one entry go missing. My modest suggestion would be to make a compilation of entries maybe someday to be bound in a book. You have great insight, but more so, you share profound honesty.

I continue to read with great admiration,

BJ

Hi Chris,

...Thanks for responding to what I said, I hope I didn't come across as pointing any fingers. The thing is? I can see why Wendy would feel comfortable, even aside from being 'happy'. She 'knows' what she is dealing with here, it is all on the table and both of you seem to be working with the situation in a mature and honest way.

It pangs me again with the notion that life itself is not a destination, but a process and a journey. And as well, how much we can be a process in another's journey in this world, especially our children.

Having kids is like investment banking to me, we may not see much return in the short period, but in the end result it can be outside of our wildest dreams.

I'm glad that you write here Chris, for whatever reason that you do. I am a tad selfish in that I suppose, I have appreciated reading how you have (and are) growing...an ongoing process.

Take good care of you!

BJ

Hi Chris, it's good to read you.

I was going to post a comment on your last entry, but this seems a tad bit better.

In the last post you were talking about how the 'physical' distance made you uneasy about your 'relationship' with Wendy. I was just wondering if you have considered how she may feel about that? And maybe she is only 'reacting' to it, as she doesn't have much available time to think of herself with raising the girls?

In reality, this isn't the first time you have 'left' her. This may be the first 'physical' move, but on an emotional level, you left her when you started thinking about someone else.

So maybe the 'trust' factor is even more important in some ways, especially to Wendy. It is one thing to physically up and leave and the other person 'knows' that you are gone....much more honest than physically remaining in the marriage, and allowing your heart to be somewhere else?

No finger pointing here Chris, I just thought I might mention that. I'm not sure if that is how Wendy is feeling or not...but as a woman? With you being totally gone, at least she knows what she is dealing with.

I'm glad to hear about your (not) smoking and eating well, it's always a step in the right direction! Careful with the horse tho....I always feel like they can see inside of my soul.

Be well....

BJ

I am so happy to hear that Honey is home! I'm sure she missed you as well...imagine how scared we would be if we were that short and didn't see anything we recognized!

Happy thoughts..thanks for sharing the good news Blyn :-)