Messages By: pasucks74

If someone got answers other then repeating ev erything in these last three message then please write me back- I dont want to take pills for this post traumatic thing I take enough cause they say I got high blood pressure and almost had a stroke back in may of this yr. so i try to get off those pills but it dont work- but that was from fighting with tthe ex over seomthing related to court and I got that upset and ended up on 2 pills- but anyway- I dont want more- there has got to be some way to forget 12-23-92 ever happened without bringin it up again-

This is about as much of a message ur gonna hear or anyone else will hear about this- I do not like talking about it but do want to not remember what I want to know how is talking about it gonna make me not remember anything. if someone drinks something, if someone got a beard if someone does something if I here the song on the radio If I hear noises - it triggers something like I was right there again even thouigh this happened in 1992. this is old I have kids i try think logically about this but then that happens. I was a t work and this guy got over personal with me- asking too many questiuons - patted me on the back and said somethin  to me I freaked went crazy accused him of sexual harrassment- maybe he was jokin I dont know but I dont want people thinkning I am crazy I went nuts about it accused the guy who is supposed to be my bf of not doing anything to protect me, he said I Iwas overreactiing _ whey doesnt this all stop- I just want a normal life whatever is normal and not to have these feeeling of craziness over everything I dont want something to trigger something in my head I dont want any of it- the guy is still locked up but that took forever to find out and this so called megans lawa 3 and ur out came too late and this victim law came with too many why s with it-0 cuz none of the above happened- I called these people at the po office and said how come I cant get areprt abpout itwhyt I dotn know when hes gettin out it took over a yr for a respons e then finally I found out where he was and he was still llocked up but was let out and did the same thing 2 more times thats why hes in now. it doesnt make sense..........these laws help them not the victims!!!!!!!!!1

sounds like my house.  I got 3 - one dignosed with autism when he was 1 and half. He is now 11. I was told when he was mainstreamed for school when he was 5 he was ok.  Well that too me meant he was fine- I didnt know what was in store later on.  Since he was 5 I have moved many miles from our home, got divorced, and completely changed our lifestyle. Where I moved too - doctors didnt pick up on things . They said he was fine- so he went onto 1st grade with no problems so I thought. well the behaviors u describe are the same. His thing was his over sensitivity. He is extremely loud. Does not understand you cannot talk in the loudest voice you got when someone is standing right next to you. But he is not deaf. He use to walk on his toes, wear longsleeves up - could touch a hot stove but brush his hair and u thought u just stabbed him how bad he screamed. HE wouldnt eat certain foods. HE wouldnt touch certain things. Now you have to remind him to eat something he could go a week and not eat because you didnt tell him to do it- you say it he says  ok ill get something. like its new to him. He has prob with one teacher in particular at school I told him she is the best thing that happened to him cause she treats him in a way he has to understand what she says and what she wants is the way it is - well he says in his time when he feels like it or when its convenient for him and cannot understand the meaning of detention failing or anything else, it doesnt click.  He doesnt understand you do something in public where I live you go to jail- he doesnt have social cues and you cannot explain it to him- you can say the same thing 100 times and its like he just heard it the first time all the time for anything. You describe your son like how he was it s just I dont know what to do now he gets older and all these other things - I have to explain all the time like I am talking to someone 2 and not 11 - does it get better- it seems to be getting worse that he gets older

sounds like my house.  I got 3 - one dignosed with autism when he was 1 and half. He is now 11. I was told when he was mainstreamed for school when he was 5 he was ok.  Well that too me meant he was fine- I didnt know what was in store later on.  Since he was 5 I have moved many miles from our home, got divorced, and completely changed our lifestyle. Where I moved too - doctors didnt pick up on things . They said he was fine- so he went onto 1st grade with no problems so I thought. well the behaviors u describe are the same. His thing was his over sensitivity. He is extremely loud. Does not understand you cannot talk in the loudest voice you got when someone is standing right next to you. But he is not deaf. He use to walk on his toes, wear longsleeves up - could touch a hot stove but brush his hair and u thought u just stabbed him how bad he screamed. HE wouldnt eat certain foods. HE wouldnt touch certain things. Now you have to remind him to eat something he could go a week and not eat because you didnt tell him to do it- you say it he says  ok ill get something. like its new to him. He has prob with one teacher in particular at school I told him she is the best thing that happened to him cause she treats him in a way he has to understand what she says and what she wants is the way it is - well he says in his time when he feels like it or when its convenient for him and cannot understand the meaning of detention failing or anything else, it doesnt click.  He doesnt understand you do something in public where I live you go to jail- he doesnt have social cues and you cannot explain it to him- you can say the same thing 100 times and its like he just heard it the first time all the time for anything. You describe your son like how he was it s just I dont know what to do now he gets older and all these other things - I have to explain all the time like I am talking to someone 2 and not 11 - does it get better- it seems to be getting worse that he gets older.

After all that- it changed me into a very different person. I didnt want to feel. I was scared all the time before he was arrested I sat outside that house every night I was going to run him over if I saw him. After that I tried to get help to move out of the house, I eventually found my now exhusband, he helped me move back into my parents house. I took that literally as he was a "savior" or something for me and 12 yrs, 3 kids later and a whole bunch of other shit to say the least, a nasty divorce and a custody battle do I say where the hell did my life go. That night molded me into what I became, I want to be a different person for my kids and do not know where to start, one thing would be forgetting everything, but thats very hard espcially round this time when people are happy and getting ready for christmas , all I get ready to do is stay awake all night so I dont have to see the same thing over and over. I do not want to explain any of that to them- that is not for their ears.  I do not want them realizing why I was , am so over protective that they are almost to the the teen yrs and they still cannot go outside alone. I do not want to feel scared. I dont want to be reminded of this everytime I get close to someone. I have stayed in a not so suitable relationship for a very long time just to not get close to people and the fact that he is not a close person, is a good thing.  I seem to look to people who like they could hurt someone else with their size etc... that all they got to do is step on someone with how big they are- yet he is not a tough guy and thru the years things go on and I realize he cant protect me if some thing bad were to happen. SO I stay inside and shelter myself from the outside world. SO nothing bad happens. well the only thing I can say for bad things as they always happened inside of a house. nothing happened on the streets. I used to walk everywhere. I dont even go outside now. I used to love the outdoors. I dont even get changed some days. This "depression" post  traumatic whatever is getting old, but damn I wish it would just stop I am tired of life being this way.