Messages By: picalina

Thank you worshipdancer for letting me know that a few of my pearls of wisdom helped.

I had been wondering how you were doing.

I would like to suggest some reading for you that will truly help.

It certainly helped me in my trying times of finding myself, and removing myself from the enabler roll.

When you begin reading the book I am about to recommend your first reaction is going to be.  "OH MY GOD THAT IS ME" as I did.

You may have to go on line and get it from one of those book sellers that have back issues and even used ones.

The name of the book is:  WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH

was written in 1985  by  ROBIN NORWOOD

Publishing company Pocket Books, New York.

This is a small example of what Robin says in the forward of her book:  "We achieve a sense of Self from what we do for others

and how we develop our own capacities. If all your efforts have gone into developing others, you're bound to feel empty.

Take your turn now."

Women who love too much, and keep wishing and hoping he'll change.

excerpt from addiction chapter:

ALCOHOLICS:

obsessed with alcohol, denying extent of problem. lying to cover how much drinking is going on avoiding people to hide problems with drinking.

RELATIONSHIP ADDICTIVE WOMEN:

obsessed with relationship, denying extent of problem, lying to cover what is happening in relationship. Avoiding people to hide problems with relationship...

It goes on and on.

Here is another paragraph, it is a book that exposes the underlying neurotic roots and shows the way out of a life addicted to pain and suffering.

Another good book is:  HOW TO GET ANGRY WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY;  by  Adelaide Bry  Publisher Signet Book new American library. written in 1976

WHEN I SAY NO, I FEEL GUILTY....another good one.

written by Manuel J. Smith, PH.D.

publisher by Bantan books  1975

Guess this shows you I am up there in age.  LOL

If you are able to get these three books, especially the first, you will be able to move forward with more understanding and strength.

Good Luck,

Picalina

I can only say RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!  LOVE DOES NOT HURT! 

If you marry this jerk you are in for an abusive life.  He is one of those mocho men that believes once you are his wife you are property!  You are only engaged and he is already starting with the control.  He is very insecure, and controling, and no amount of love and understanding is going to made him well.

I have been there done that.  And believe me once you are his wife everything changes for the worse.

Have you spoken to your family about this?  If not maybe you should.  If you are not careful this time bomb will kill you.

Remember insecure people, especially men will promise you the moon to keep you with them.  Once you give in and go back, the same old stuff begins again only worse.  Cause now they feel

you are weak, and they conned you again.

Please my dear get some help, your life and your future depend on it.

Good Luck

Picalina

Hi Verisimiitude......

Hard name to spell let alone type, can you give me a nick name to use instead?

I think it is great that you are on here.  You sound like a very sweet talented gal, who has a lot going for her.  Do pursue your desires

I am sure you will do very well at it.

So you love murder mysteries. So do I.  Who is your favorite author?

Have you read any of Robin Cooks, or Patricia Cornwells books.?

If not you will love them.  I can give you more names later if you want.  I read about three books a week.

I could be your great Grandma, so I will look to you like a grandchild I never had, if you will allow me.  I have never had any children, live alone, and very much at peace with myself and my life.

It is so nice to be able to communicate with someone on here that does not have a world of problems.  I don't really fit in, because I am at a stage in my life that I have already been through a lot of what they are experiencing, so all I can do is give them a little of my wisdom.

Stay happy and keep doing well in all you do.  Looking forward to hearing from you.

Picalina

  I don't know how old you are, but judging by your information of being in college I assume you are about 20 correct.?

I read all your soul baring and found that you are suffering not only low self esteem, but you are so very hungry for love.

Life will never give you what you expect, because you expect too much without the work on yourself that you need to do.

Before you can function in life, you first have to find things about yourself that you can love.   You cannot be loving without being needy until you love yourself.

There is healthy love, and unhealthy love.  The love you try to give is toxic, because you are looking for the loved object to make you whole.  This cannot be done, you have to make yourself whole.

It seems as soon as a woman speaks to you, she becomes what you perceive to be your savior.

You need to go to the library and get some self help books and read in the privacy of your own room.  There is no one to judge you, no one that you feel you have to say just the right thing to in order to be approved of.

I am speaking from experience, at one time in my life I was so needy that I didn't have the value to choose wisely in the men I chose to share my life with.

I didn't feel I was worthy of love, and therefore was easy prey for those users out there.

I am sure with some work on your part you will come out fine.

You will look back on all these negative thoughts and shake your head in disbelief that those words came from you.

Good Luck to you,

Picalina

  I don't know how old you are, but I am a senior with a lot of experience with men.  Especially the liers and the drunk ones.  I have heard all the excuses, and the promises, and nothing every changed.

My advise to you Dear, is get rid of the bum!

He does not know how to love, let alone show it.

You are wasting your time and energy on a looser.  Get out while you still have a little value to yourself and be rid of his selfishness.

I'll bet if you talked to his mother the apple did not fall far from the tree!   Her husband is most likely as selfish.

Me thinks that was his mentor and roll model.

Good Luck.....God Bless

Picalina