Messages By: trueakitalover

Wow,

I can't believe that yesterday was six months clean from any drugs at all. I feel pretty good.  I got done with my 1st step work..  which was a relief in its self.  I am not watching the get real rettreat and I can identify with each and everyone of these people's stories.  In all of them I see a little bit of me.  The anger, being molested, dealing with my mom's death, addiction, weight issues, Just wanting to have a life of rewards and not being burdened.  I was like each of these people is me.  In my program though this is what I have learned to do though is find the things I can identify with.  since I have written this entry I feel much better I gave some feelings out of my way now. 

This too shall pass.

Hello,

I am going to post today about my mom's death and how I am just dealing with it now instead of when she passed away.  My mom died back on 9-9-06.  She was in a nursing home and I talked to her 2 hours before she died.  I remember telling her I loved her.  Then I went and used.  Well I am almost 4 month's clean and this year I can be reallyproud of myself I didn't allow my self to use any dope at all yesterday.  They say the disease of addiction is a feeling disease and I understand what they mean by this now.  I was alway's running away from my feelings, I didn't know what feelings were and  now I do.  I was depressed yesterday but I didn't cry.  But today I did allow myself to feel the sadness,the lost and hurt from her not being here.  She died 18 days before my birthday also, which really affected me cause we were making plan's for my birthday what we were going to do.  I am dealing with this with a lot of support from my network and my sponsor which is pretty good at times.  She has seen me grow a lot in six months time.