Messages By: omachris

Well today is another day, Here I sit ready to type not totally sure what to type. Except that I feel very frustrated with my life.It is so very lonely , evben though I am married have been for 31 years.Henks main concern in life number 1 is himself then his mother then his daugther . I come some where on the back burner and this makes for a very lonely marriage. I feel at times that life is not even worth living , I do my daily whatevers and thats about it.Henk goes out does his own thing and lives his own life. He won't share bedrooms he won't share his life with me.I am very lonely. This being said I don't know know what to do about it , He knows iot makes no differents to him at all. I take mny lonleness and use it it to eat there is little else .

Today is again another dat . As it has gone by I cannot help but think an other struggle another day of thinking,water, chicken, fish, salad, veggies, there ARE TIMES WHEN I get fed up with always eating the same things over and over but then again I have to remember the reward at the end, this is a life style change I need to get used to it. I need to learn that this is what i have to eat to live a normal happy life. Thats all for today

Today is a new day, a new beginning, a new start, trying to come to grips with the fact that I need to deal with me. I am a person that is worthy to live a normal healthy life . I am a person that is allowed to live a happy life.I am writing this to express to myself that the time has come , it is enough no more , I will not take it any more. No more defeated feelings I a woman hear me roar. I am worthy God didn't create no junk. He created me. He knit me together in my mothers womb He knew me even before I was born. So what right do I have to waste my life in the way that I am What right do I have to wallow in self pity all the time because of all the bad things that have happened in my life. God will never give us more then we can bear. Do I want to die NO I WANT TO LIVE I know that I don't want to make any more excuses I don't want to hide my head in the sand any longer.

The monster that lives inside of me keeping me fat doen't want to leave me. I can continue to blame it on having a horrible childhood , i can continue blaming it on having the feeling if being invisible in any relationship that was supposed to be near and dear to me i.e. mother , father, husband, grandparents, . Ican continue to blame it on that fact that I was sexually molested when I was forteen.Are these just excuses? Is this why I have faught this weight battle for so long , Having tryed so many different programs never being able to get very far , always failing. I have always felt like a failure in all the things that have happened in my life. I am the invisible woman , with a monster raging insde of her,But I am very lonely.and fat. I have lost 70 pounds so far need to lose at least another 100 if not more please help me. I have ms as well.