Messages By: rayvinfive

I was reading in the message boards today about how some women are turned off by their men.  That struck a little close to home for me. 

My husband a I have been married for about a year and a half and for the last few months I've been sexually unattracted to him.  Even the fantasy of him between my legs has been a major turn off for me.  When he does try to arouse me all I can think of is: "I wish he'd stop."  I'm not entirely sure when these feelings started, but I don't know what to do. 

His job is a swing shift so he's not home till around midnight.  Even then he usually doesn't climb into bed until around three in the morning.  On the weekends things aren't much better.  I can't remember the last time that he and I cuddled on the couch during a movie, or in bed while we fall asleep.  He does almost nothing around the house or with our son. 

I feel like I have a 25 year old child and a 23 month old child.  Between the two of them I hardly have any time to myself, forget about the household chores.  I have to yell at my husband almost daily just to pick up his shoes.  I feel traped in my own house.  I've tried to talk to my husband about his lack of help.  He tells me he's sorry and will try and do better, but nothing changes.  I'm tired of yelling and being upset all the time. 

Date: September 2005 

I learned that my best friend of almost 15 years now will be deploying to Iraq in a month.  She was stationed in Korea and had some major issues that she was trying to work through, the biggest one being that she was raped while in Korea, and had suppressed the emotions and memories.  She wound up in the psych ward for a couple of days for that.  She was slowly getting better, then she found out that she was going to go play in the desert. 

Date: March 2006 

Six months later I had heard nothing from her and was worried.  Finally getting tired of waiting for her to get in touch with me I called her post's information line to try and find her.  They wouldn't give me her info, but that standard operating procedure.  They gave her my info, and all I could do was hope that she'd call.  She called, I was glad to hear her voice.  Until I found out that she had been home for three months and hadn't called or anything.  Her excuse was that she didn't have my number.  I was all prepared to yell at her for not getting in touch earlier, until she told me why she was home. 

While she was in Iraq she got really depressed and eventually tried to kill herself.  That took all the wind out of my sails.  I couldn't yell at her, I couldn't be mad at her.  I couldn't feel anything but disappointed in myself for not being there for her when she needed me the most. 

Now that I know she's home, and that she needs me I don't really know what to do.  I really want to know the details of why, but that seems rather insensitive now when I think about the whole situation.  All I really want to do is swoop her up and giver her a bear hug for a year or so until she's "better" or "normal".  She is my sister in heart, and I would do anything I could for her.  I hate it that I wasn't there for her when she needed me, and I hate it now that I have life responsibilities that prevent me from being with her right now.  I hate that there is a two hour drive one way to see her.  My heart hurts for her, and I would dearly love to taker her pain away and make her happy again. 

How do you deal with a suicide attempt?  What do you say?  How do you act?  What don't you say?  What don't you do?  Why wasn't I there when she needed me?