Messages By: mjkkas

But such a glance is precisely my only salvation. 

It’s my only salvation if, however, the glance is followed by  

Acceptance and love. 

It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my  

Own self-built prison…from the barriers that I have so 

Painstakingly created. 

It is only that glance that will assure me of what I cannot assure 

In myself and, that is, that I a really worth something. 

But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare to. I’m afraid to. 

I’m afraid that your glance will not be followed by  

Acceptance and love. 

I’m afraid that you’ll think less of me…that you’ll laugh and 

That your laugh would kill me. I’m afraid that deep down I am nothing. 

That I’m just no good and soon you’re going to find out and you’ll  

No longer love me…that you’ll reject me. 

So I play my game. My desperate, pretending game with the 

Facades of assurance from without and that of a trembling 

Little child within. 

And my life becomes a front. 

And I idly chatter to you suave tones about anything 

That means nothing. 

And yet I can never tell about the crying inside of me… 

Of my greatest hurts…of my deepest fears…my concerns. 

I can’t tell you that because I am afraid. 

So please listen carefully not to what I’m saying,  

But to what I am not saying. 

To what I’d like to be able to say. And for what my very own 

Survival I need to say. 

I dislike this hiding…honestly. 

I dislike this phony, superficial game I’m playing. 

I really would like to be genuine and spontaneous and me. 

But you’ve got to help me. 

You’ve got to hold out your hand. 

You’ve got to hold out your hand even when it appears to you 

That it’s the last thing I want from you, because I am going to share a secret 

With you about myself;  

The moment I act like I need you the least is the moment I need you the most.