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Replies to 'Anorexia'
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September 11, 2008, 5:43 pm PDT
 Quote From: lep1369 my wife has had anorexia for a long time even before i met her she was doing better. but now that she lost her job and has been out of work for two months she is starting lie abouit eating and hurting herself behind my back. we just got married last week. and i told her its time to step it up a notch for looking for a jpb and everytime i bring it up she suddenly acts like im attacking her and starts crying saying that im stressing her out and making her relaps. but i dont get it becouse the only reason she is stressed is becouse she doesnt have a job and so i try to help and make sure she calls the places back becouse she does forget all of a sudden im the one at fault. i dont know what to do. Hi there,
Ok first of all, good on you for supporting and being there for your wife when it sounds like she's having a tough time right now.
I myself have suffered from an eating disorder, and although i have recovered and have maintained a healthy weight for the past two or so years, eating disorders have a way of hanging around in the background for a long, long, long time and can threaten to rear its ugly head years after recovery, usually when you least expect it. I like to think of the power of the disorder as being on the same level as alcoholism or nicotine addiction - ex drinkers and smokers have to constantly be on guard so as to not fall off the wagon! I think the key to success in ridding any sort of addiction or obsession is to have mechanisms in place prior to slip ups, as to prevent further descent when relapses do occur.
What type of mechanisms am i talking about? Well firstly, talk to your wife about her disorder. Ask her how she is feeling, whether she needs help and above all, be supportive and encouraging - be a keen listener. By bringing up her employment situation, you’re reminding her of her lack of control, her sense of failure and this only triggers her to look to other avenues (i.e. an eating disorder where she can feel in control, a sense of achievement and pride in her weight). Be encouraging, remind her she's respected, loved and valued to remind her that although her 'career self' may be currently suffering low self esteem, her 'relationship self' is still valued and something to be proud of.
Hope this helps... btw, time in between jobs can be a fabulous time in a persons’ life to discover hidden talents and passions and to explore new interests. Why not explore together? Take her out to dinners, see a show, or take up a hobby together- after all you’re newlyweds- use the free time wisely and build on your relationship and HAVE FUN ;)
All the best
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