Replies to '12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered'

I can relate to this... although I didn't loose my husband to cancer. He battled against an addition to cocaine. I never gave up hope that he would overcome it.  He gave up though, he took his own life. He left for work one Saturday morning and never came back. That Sunday morning the deputies found him. I  was numb for weeks and told my children that he had died in an accident, I didn't want them to think that their father didn't want to come home to them and I could believe that he took his own life, I thought it had to of been an accident. A year and half later I still cannot believe he is gone. I had planned to spend my life with him, he was my best friend. Sometimes I am so angry with him, sometimes I just miss him, sometimes sad for him, because he felt no alternative and he's not able to be here to see his children grow up. Sometimes though, I am so thankful that I was given the time I had with him and that we did have two beautiful children. I try to focus on the postive only. I know the Lord only gives us what we can handle. I know life can seem so unfair, hard and frustrating but never give up hope. I know one day I'll understand why this has happened. I have learned to become very thankful for what I do have.