Replies to '12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered'

I know how loss feels.  Although I divorced my husband and didn't loose him through death I was 26 years old with 3 children under 4 to raise.  It was very difficult and although I did remarry that too went the way of divorce but like I always told my children more so as a reminder to myself life is not fair you just have to get used to it.  It was and is a day to day struggle but I feel that's the key.  To not look too far into the future.  When you do that it gets daunting.    For me I had to tell myself every day and still do for most days that I am walking and breathing that's something, my children are here with me and are healthy that's something too.  I think sometimes that people(myself included) try to Leap out of the hole maybe we should just try and crawl out a little at a time.  I'm no expert and what works for some may not work for others but I found for myself that keeping track of the positives instead of the negatives helped me.  Keep your chin up!!!!

I can certainly understand how hard it is to get "out of the hole".  I too lost my husband when I was 23 and he was 26.  I had just lost a premature baby 2 months before that.  Fortunately for me, I found another wonderful man and married him three years later.  Little did I know that 32 years later, our youngest son was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma and after surgery, therapy, radiation, and a clinical trial we were told there was nothing left and that he had little time left.  During this difficult time, my husband was diagnosed with COPD, pulmonary fibrosis, and emphysema.  Even though he was on oxygen, the Dr.'s said he would have at least another 5 years.  Unfortunately as our son was in the hospital receiving blood transfusions, my husband died.  Three weeks later our son also died.  I didn't mean to make this such a long story, but there is a point.  The strength that our son had, the contentment he felt for the life he had, the lessons he felt he learned and was able to share with family and friends ultimately is what has given me strength to carry on.  I know that he lived for three weeks just to be sure that I was going to be alright.  Knowing the enormous pain, suffering, and knowledge that he was dying at 32, and the strength it took for him to live those three weeks have helped me to look at each day as if were my last.  Just as Erma Bombeck once said after she found out she had cancer, I use my china, I have a banana split if I want to (even though I'm overweight), I go to nice places to eat (even if it's alone) and stay up all night if I want to.  I'm not lonely even though I'm alone.  I have my memories of good times and not so good ones.  Whenever I feel sorry for myself, which I sometimes do, I remember what "my boys" went through.  They did what they could to make my life a pleasent one, I can't allow those efforts  to have been in vain.  My wonderful brother died just 8 months before my husband.  All of our lives have an end, just as they had a begining.  We can't change it.  If we don't pick ourselves up by the bootstraps we're the ones that will be miserable as well as others around us.  I don't want to be responsible for the misery of the people I love.  I'm 61 years old now, and had to start a business of my own in order to get health insurance at a very high premium.  Yes, I'm tired, worn out, and would love to have my old life back, but nothing is going to do that.  All I can really tell you is to zero in on all the positive things in your life and don't try to change the things that can't be changed.