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October 19, 2005, 12:42 pm PDT
He's not a victim
Quote From: ritehereI think what a n other and mls2005 were trying to point out is right here in your own post. They were trying to get you to realize that your lover's wife is NOT the one responsible for your misery. You and she are locked into this "duel" where you bad-mouth and try to hurt each other.
You said it all when you wrote "I accept responsibility for being duped into this as I was led to believe that he was leaving." Did his wife tell you he was leaving her? NO. HE told you that. You have accepted your role in your misery, but what about your lover? You seem to think he is some kind of victim here, and bears no responsibility in any of this. Step outside of your situation and look at it objectively. He is the one who is in a prior committed relationship. He told you that he was leaving her, but never did. And still hasn't, even after the wife found out about you. What would he need to tell you to keep you hanging in there? Hasn't he been doing exactly that? I do not think he is a victim, at all. I know he is to blame for this. The point I was trying to make is that everytime you hear about infidelity the wife is the victim. That is not always the case. Many times women look the other way for a variety of reasons, either they don't want to alter their lifestle financially, or they don't want to have sex and are happy they don't have to give it up. The point is that many of the wives know there is trouble and DO NOTHING. It's more fun to be victimized and call their girlfiends and boohoo to them how they are taken for granted. Lack of action is just as bad as action . To neglect someone and ignore their needs is just as bad as acting out with another person. They are both at fault and each of them are accountable for their action or inaction. My feeling is that I was duped but I do not feel that he intentionally went into a relationship with me to hurt me. I think he realized that his wife held more of the cards than he thought. He also didn't count on the kids telling him that unless he stayed with their mother they'd never to speak to him again. She is playing this up something fierce, too. She has the power to tell the kids that the problem is between them but she has chosen to tell him that if he doesn't stay she'll tell the kids the affair details. Right now they only think he's befriended another woman. They do not know about the sex and the length of the relationship. This is the reason why I abhor this woman. I don't care how hurt you are...don't drag your children into it.
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