Replies to '12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath'

Quote From: jaimie1974

This situation is different, and Im wondering if anyone here has advice or opinions.
My husband was adopted into a loving family in 1967. Throughout the years, he wondered what his biological family was like; especially because he is so very different from the family that he was adopted into! (His parents had been married 7 years, had no children & assumed they were infertile. They adopted him as an infant, and then his mother became pregnant within months! A few years later, she had another child, making the total 3.) When I say different from them, I mean things such as temperament, personality, character, etc. His sisters are feisty & argumentative; he is calm, rational, and very level headed. There were also many questions about his family medical history, since he had absolutely no information on that.
Fast forward: after years of thinking about it, he finally hired an agency to find his biological mother. This agency was great, they counseled my husband about the possible outcomes; we were hoping for a good outcome, of course; but it wasnt what we got. The agency suggested writing a letter to the biological mother, sending pictures, asking the questions he needed to have answered regarding health, and then, let her know that if he didnt get a response within a reasonable time, he would contact her again.
Within a week of sending the letter, he got a response. It broke my heart to read the letter. His biological mother wrote that she was raised in a strict Catholic home, that NO ONE knew about this pregnancy except for her mother (who is in a nursing home now) and she intended to keep it that way. She has two other biological children, she has been married for many years, and she doesnt want anyone to know about my husband. She is now a Baptist and when she received his letter, she spent hours at her church praying about what the right response would be. She returned the pictures to my husband, telling him she couldnt risk anyone finding them. She answered his questions about her family history, and then ended the letter telling him to never contact her again. She did enclose a picture of herself with her two daughters- a decision that softened me towards her.
Every once in awhile, my husband looks up his two biological sisters on the internet; they have no idea that he exists. He simply wonders what they are like, something I think is common human curiosity. Im wondering what people think of this; would you follow the biological mothers wishes and not contact the sisters, not telling them that they have a brother? Or, would you feel no loyalty towards her (he doesnt; however, he also doesnt want to break up a family- the letter had a  if my husband found out hed ditch me.. vibe) and contact them?
Im just curious to know what others would do in his position. If his biological mother passed away tomorrow, he would contact the sisters and tell them about himself. But until that day comes, he feels that leaving it alone is best for everyone. (And I think I agree.)