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Replies to '12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath'
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September 24, 2008, 2:31 pm PDT
 Quote From: sdgambon I didn't find out that my stepfather was not my biological father until I was 16 years old, and my mother was so upset with me for sassing my stepdad that she blurted it out. My mother would never discuss the issue further. Finally, at age 18 I tricked my mother into giving me the name under which I needed to secure my birth certificate. My mother took the secret of my biolofical father's identity to her grave. After my mother passed away, I began searching for my biological father. I really didn't wany anything from him, except to tell me if I had half-siblings, and to be a friend. My stepfather was extremely good to me, and always treated me as if I were his very own. During my search I was able to contact the person whose name was on my birth certificate (Let's call him CL). CL hadn't live in the U.S. since the 1950's, had re-married and raised his wife's daughter as his own. During a visit to the U.S. he visited me, and told me that he had something to tell me, and that it would cause me some pain. The truth was that he was out of the U.S. during WWII, and was not present for my conception. Those were difficult words for him to tell me, and for me to comprehend. I still couldn't understand why the secret of my biological father could not be discussed with me by my mother once I was an adult. I did contact some of CL's relatives to see if they had any names for me to search: they spoke to me with vile disgust, and refused to discuss anything. Of course, this made me even more curious because it now appeared there were many people keeping the secret. CL had asked that I continue to contact him, on the sly, to let him know how I was dealing with the information he had given me. He said that his wife would not understand why he would befriend me. He and I corresponded for a couple of years. Eventually, CL's wife called to vehemently demand that I never contact him again. I've never since been spoken to with such a dispicable tone, and it was crushing. Ultimately, I stopped searching as I knew that there was no possible way I could get the information that I longed for during my adult life. As much as I wanted to know my biological father and any siblings; and just to know the truth - the truth did not set me free. It's very difficult to explain to people in a search for biological siblings and parents that it can end in a heartbreaking tragedy that is unimaginable. Maybe my story can help someone in a search to prepare for the worst, but rejoice if their search ends with the best. I was, and still am a strong minded person, and have been able to put the issue behind me. So am I understanind you correctly that you still have no idea who you biological father is? I have a similar story. I was about 35 when I finally asked my parents for a second time if my father was my biological father and they finally confessed and told me that he was not. My mother was living in Roswell, NM when she got pregnant with me by a guy she was seeing. Apparently this guy was engaged and shortly after she got pregnant he was married and moved away. My mother tells me that she does not remember his name, not even a last name. I don't believe her. Part of my struggle is that my mother was very abusive to me growing up and I can't help but think it was because I was a constant reminder of this man.
I understand that a reunion may not turn out good but what is important to me is just knowing who he is and where I come from. My mother is white and my biological father is hispanic but she doesn't know if his family is from Mexico or where he might be from. So I feel as though know nothing about myself.
Do you have any tips on where to begin looking? My mother met this guy in college (I think). She supposedly when to the library in Roswell and tried to find Marriage anouncements in the paper but I don't think she even looked in the right papers. |
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