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Replies to '12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath'
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September 24, 2008, 8:43 pm PDT
 Quote From: lsmith3257 Wonderful show today. It was very moving. My family has been blessed with the miracle of adoption, the most profound gift possible. I hope that my son will want to connect with his birth parents one day. We have occasional communication with both the birth mother and birth father. They are our heroes, and we are so very grateful. Dr. Phil, you referred to parents today as "adoptive mothers" and "adoptive fathers." I think pretty universally those of us who have adopted children find that term diminishing and hurtful. My son is not my "adopted son" he is my SON, and I am his mother. This is a mistake many people make, and I realize no harm is intended. But please realize that the parents who raise the child, who feed, clothe, comfort, and make a lifetime commitment to love forever... those are the Parents, the real mother and father. The biological parents are the birth parents and they are to be cherished, respected and revered. But please don't call us "adoptive" parents. As a birth mother, I recognize your feelings that you are the "real" parents who have raised the child. However, I am a stepmother to five kids, and one I have raised since she was three and is now sixteen years old. So I understand what you are saying, but I have a few thoughts for you to think about.
But at the same time, for the puposes of broadcasting, there are people watching that do not comprehend the different positions each parent holds without clairification on the particular side that they represent. So, the only way to get it across all viewers is really to use the term you don't prefer - adoptive. Not all viewers have the same level of intelligence, you must remember.
The adoptive mother of my son is the real parent of him. However, society (as well as me personally) has recognized her in the role for 20 years now.
I think you are being a little too sensitive, and forgetting the show is educating those that are not in the know. Would calling myself "birth mother" to my friends when I spoke of my son been correct? No no more than referring to your son as your adopted child or you as the adoptive mother. I have never called myself a birthmother in conversation, but by writing on this thread to show who I am in this forum of communication, then referring to myself as a birthmother is totally appropriate. It is just a way to let those who are learning about adoption and adoption issues understand who each person is in the mix. I am sure the show in now way was demeaning the value of your position or any position of a parent who chose to adopt. |
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