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Replies to 'Giving and Receiving Support'
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October 14, 2008, 7:53 pm PDT
 Quote From: my_ohmy i dont even know if im in the right place here with my type of problem..but here goes anyway :( where do i start..so much has gone bad in my life...just like alot of people on here i guess. well 5 years ago..my dad a vietnam vet killed himself...its been a long road..but im kinda ok about that now? i think? anyhow thats not what im here about..i have been married for 20 years..its like ive woken up one morning and felt like i just cant be married to this man anymore...a man that hasnt said he loves me in over 5 years...im just not in love anymore i feel nothing towards him except that he is like a close friend...i want to end it with him...but i just dont know how? im not the kind of person who likes to hurt anyone,so im finding it very hard to get this out and tell him..he has been a great provider as in money...a good dad to our 4 kidsaged 16-18-20-22 the youngest my daughter i dont want to hurt them either....i have to end this as i have fallen in love with a wonderful man,and in my heart i know this is so wrong :( and cant stand it anymore..i have to tell my husband its over..but how? im so scared he will flip out...as he does this. my husband finds it so hard to love me,never really can recall any kind of love from him...i look back and try find those happy moments but i cant see them,every baby i had i never got i love you nothing..always remember feeling quite alone at those times...hardly ever recieved a card from him on those special days like birthday annaversary ect or a gift but the gift isnt what i worry abouti had a breakdown once as i was abused as a child,i was for a short time on drugs,got myself off them with no help...and instead of him saying im proud you did that...i got.."if you ever do that again,i will f**kin shoot you" nice hey? ive never forgotten that... we hardly have sex maybe once month if lucky and now hardly ever...ive stopped to tell you the truth as i just dont love him...last time i slept with him..i cried ..he never asked me why i was crying not once...so now i just dont go there...so many things and so unhappy i could go on and on as you can see...please someone out there ..please understand what im going through...i have noone to talk to as you can tell by me raving on about this...im slowly going nuts i think? i want to go away in 2 weeks to think about what i need in my life...i know i deserved to be loved right? is it to much to ask for this 2 weeks..oh hang on im asking him good god! i shouldnt have to do that right? who knows...????? arrrrrrg! im so confused???????????? Hi, It's okay not to be okay. Suicide is a hard thing to cope with for anyone. It hurts, a lot.. and as much as for yourself personally being able to get over it, you can to a certain point where you learn to accept that it has happened etc, you never truly get over it. I mean how can you? suicide doesn't just effect the person committing it, but it effects the family and friends left behind. It's selfish. The most incredibly selfish thing to happen, yet there are people everyday out there doing it, but maybe having someone to talk to (a counselor) about the things and feelings you feel will help. People say to look at the good memories you had with that person, but I don't get it. Like I do get it. But, it's hard. How can you think of the good times, when all you have is this horrible time playing over and over in your head? So it is more than okay not to be okay. Be angry. Be annoyed. Be pissed off. Be upset. Cry, scream, yell. Do something! My dad committed suicide nearly 10 years ago when I was just 8 years old... I felt lost, I felt hurt, I felt betrayed, I felt angry, I felt a lot of things, but I never realised how much I actually felt them until a few years later when I was diagnosed with depression. So maybe, for yourself, you feel like your husband doesn't love you, because how could he when your father who was supposed to love you and care for you, took away his own life? how can anyone love you when he did this? but the answer is, you can be loved, and absolutely everyone deserves to be loved. So if you're finding yourself, not in love with your husband anymore, then you need to do what is best for you, and in the long run your family too. No children want their parents to be together just for the sake of them (no matter how much it hurts - no matter how much they actually want their parents together). So you need to sit down, and just tell him how you're feeling, get things out in the open - communicate. Because everyone deserves to be happy, and you are clearly not happy with your life. Also you will find that ones you get things out in the open (feelings and all) you will start to understand a bit more. Although I myself at times never know how I feel, so I think, how can I tell others how I feel when I don't even know myself? I really do hope things get better for you. I'm not going to say that things will be okay in the long run, because that isn't how you feel right now, and that isn't what you want to hear. But I will say I hope things get much better than they are. |
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