Replies to '12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"'

AMEN TO THAT!  I agree that people who don't believe PAS exists haven't experienced it first hand and I would even add to that, that many of those people turn out to be the ones who justify that it's "good parenting" to "save" their children from a parent who has defects THEY can't stand.  They just can't admit or won't admit that deep down, they are the ones who are hoping the children agree with them and see the same thing they see wrong with their ex-spouse and it's them who don't want to do the shared parenting thing because it does take a lot of work and compromise to make it work.  Especially when there's a new partner.  It's almost like they wish the ex would agree to let this new person take over their role.  It would be so much easier for the children to have a "normal" family with two parents in the home.  And I agree about the court system.  As soon as you try to help your children from this horrendous abuse by going where you're supposed to go to help them, you get the feeling you're living the Little Red Riding Hood story and you're at the part where the granny turns into the wolf!  We have a long way to go before the changes that need to come about are made and I know it probably won't happen in my life time or in time to help my son who I haven't seen in three years but I'll guarantee this:  I will NEVER stop wanting, loving and fighting for my child and for this plague to be exposed for what it is!

I have to agree.  Most of the motions filed and court orders in my case in the past 5 years have been mostly about the right I have as a mother, with joint legal custody to simply have communication and visitation with the children.  Yet, the courts have not ordered any type of evaluation to consider if PAS is a factor, though I have pointed it out, and have given exhibits to help inform as to what the syndrome is.

In reading the plethora of posts, I don't think people understand the "syndrome" aspect of PAS.  The Syndrome describes the mental and emotional behavior of the parent or person who is interfering with the parent/child relationship, and there are various degrees.

I had also forgotten that yes, I too have had my share of having DYFS called on me, walk throughs, being accused of sexually abusing my oldest daughter and all claims have naturally been found unsubstantiated.  When you go through it, and though you know you are innocent, its extremely stressful, terrifying, and scary.   Then as time goes by it becomes predictible. 

The sad thing too, is reading and being reminded that yes, at times my ex and his wife have lied to the courts to cover their tracks, for instance I wanted to have my kids for spring break as the break coincided with the Cherry Blossoms here in the DC area and thought it would be wonderful for them to experience this national treasure.  My ex cited he was going to take the children to florida, though did not provide any supportive evidence of any plane tickets or other plans, and naturally was a lie.  They simply did not want the kids to be with me to 'punish' me as it was something important to me.  This has happnened many times.. in which I drive up to NJ and I then am told of last minute changes in the visitation times or not granted all my children citing some sort of activity (football practice).  I cannot express the heartsinking feeling of having prepared a birthday party only to find out an hour before you have everything, but the child because even though it is your right to have them that day, that they were not turned over.  

 Police don't get invovled citing it is Civil matter though there are statutory laws that considers the failure to turn over a child for custody is a form of kidnapping, and no one knows how to enforce it, including the Attorney General's Office.   Hence, what good is it to have laws that the Judicial and Enforcement branches of a government don't even know how to execute or enforce?  It looks good on paper, but in reality, its like waving for help while you're drowning and a life guard doesn't hear you.

As the target parent it gets difficult to decide which path is the best path.. to just let it slide and let the actions speak for themselves, or fight legally, and a lot of praying.   For me the dilemma is if we litigate,  the children as a result suffer due to the stress that is taken out on them and they are put in the middle when we even have Court Orders saying adult topics and litigation is not to be discussed with the children, to protect them.   If you do nothing, the abuse continues and everyone suffers and the one targeting the parent goes even further knowing they can get away with almost anything. (The words "I got your house, your car, your husband, your kids and your mother.. I wonder what else of yours I can take from you!" still ring as if I heard them yesterday, though its been nearly 10 years.  That is the mindset of these people who alientate.. control, power, fear based on insecurity, false entitlement, and a need to punish, not consdering the only people being punished are the kids.

The most horrible feeling is as a parent you want to do everything you can to protect your children but there is no where to turn. Me? I just keep doing what I think is he higher road, the best path, to be open, accepting, caring and not to be resentful, bitter or angry. At times, it gets hard... but it is paying off.