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October 3, 2008, 5:09 pm PDT
If you haven't lived it, you don't know what your talking about!
Quote From: kswalla51When a child's feelings are based upon abusive conduct by one parent, even emotionally abusive or neglectful conduct, it is not PAS. Unfortunately, not many have been able to remain neutral enough to grasp this simple fact. And if there is absolutely NO history of abuse, it may be a simple "disconnect" between the child and the parent. Even in intact households, children tend to gravitate towards the parent who is more like them.....in their opinion. The older children get, and the more sophisticated they are, the more likely they have formed their own opinions based upon many factors: what they learn in school about how to treat others, tv, movies, etc. In my experience the young people who are most adverse to spending time with one of their parents are those who have experienced, at the very least, emotional abuse or neglect from that parent when younger. Instinctively, that child feels unloved or threatened by that parent. This is NOT PAS. And how do you know that the "neglect" was not carefully planned by the other parent. That's also one of the alienators tactics. To always make sure the child's preference is with that parent. My ex was very clever. He made sure to have my son call my home on days he knew I was at work or at a meeting (my son didn't). He always made sure my son was having too much fun at his home to talk to me or come to my home for his parenting time with me. He made sure he always had "fun, expensive" activities planned each and everyday so that my son wouldn't want to come for his parenting time with me. He made sure he was the coach in all sports and invite friends over for my son to play with (he'd call the friends himself), so that my son would stay home. He made sure to have my son call later than his bedtime so I couldn't go pick him up unless I was okay with putting a 10 year old to bed a midnight. There's all sorts of manipulative tactics these alienating parents use to keep our children away from us targeted parents and make us look "abusive" and "neglecting" and unfit. You've obviously never been through this!
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