Replies to '12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"'

Quote From: winner39

I stumbled upon tonight's show about Parental Alienation Syndrome and listened to the panel of guest speakers, and it is truly disheartening when you know that children are inherently placed in the middle of a situation that they did not choose.  At the end of the day, there really is not a way to fully provide an opportunity for their voice to be heard, as they love both of their parents.  Nonetheless, I heard the word "custody" being utilized many times during the back-and-forth discussion and testimonials and in the state of Colorado the Colorado Revised Statutes state that "custody" should not be utilized when you are referring to a child, as it is deemed and/or considered that the child is property when this terminology is used. 

The quick 50,000 foot level review is this...Father's do not get the same rights as Mother's do when it comes to who the child is going to reside.  Once the home is separated for the child (father's home vs. mother's home), you run into issues for the child that no one, especially a judge and not your panel female attorney can state is "evidence" enough to prove which home is best.  Case law shows that Mothers can be severely mentally ill and the primary residence still goes to the Mother.  Mother can have a history of white collar crime, and a case law will state that is just a matter of "poor financial" judgement.  Why is it that the judges that are usually placed as "family court" justices primary background and experience does not illustrate this type of law/legal background.  All the parent truly sees is the dollars that need to be paid to mediators, attorneys, and court costs in order to have a glimpse of time with their children.  The focus is not the amount of days that a Father wants in order to abate paying extra child support, but let's say what we mean and mean what we say.  Things have not changed and we are all as a society entering into 2009...men do not have a legal right to their children when it comes to residential custodialship.  Men are still considered the providers and that they do not have the ability to spend time with their children unless they hire a special advocate, beg an attorney to help, but only after they drop a cool few grand as a retainer to get things rolling, and then they can be led down a terrible path of having to utilize a mediator vs. the court who is a woman (like me), but doesn't provide the law as a guide for how time for the child should be spent with both parents, but instead provide that the child be able to make a choice at the age of 12/13 of where they want to go and be with on holidays and weekend, etc.  Heck, I don't recall being able to choose what I wore outside of the house at that age let alone have to make an adult decision, which will have ramifications for both parents for who that child will spend time with...  Can't you see that divorce is the number one topic, next to our economy, next to the presidential election, next to energy saving devices, etc?  How many people both adults and children that you know have been impacted by divorce?  This should not be just a show on a Friday evening, but a showcase to show more about Father's rights.  As you can see, my plight is for Fathers.  Do you know that well over 90% of the time, Father's are truly not even considered during a custody hearing as being the person to have residential custody (there is that word again)?  Yes-yes, it has to be said as I type my thoughts quickly that even though both parents share joint custody per the court (50%/50%), what does that really mean when the residential custodian decides when, where, what, and how?  Then, sends the Father the bill even though the Mother is receiving full benefits and allocated dollars each month for the child?  The Mother doesn't utilize all of the child support for the child.  Since there is a schedule for everything else for child support and technology is what it is today, shouldn't there also be a schedule for how the recipient utilizes the child support money for the child?  Hmmm...another law that should be brought into the 21st century...child support schedule that documents that the money was a percentage of the overhead expenses and other expenses for the child?  What is wrong with this idea?  Everything else is dictated with schedules.  Personal snapshot:  The Mother moved the child over 75 miles away from the Father...the courts did not do anything.  The Mother dictates travel, pick up and drop off, etc...I mean everything for the child.  The Mother supplied garnishment papers to the Father's workplace when he was never late on child support, so the Father decided to pay child support voluntarily through the court, so she could not cast a web of lies around the Father about child support.  The court did denounce her notice of garnishment and stated that "next time" proper notification had to be provided and true facts of late payment had to be in place prior to submitting such a document.  The Mother has been on the news for white collar crime.  The Mother has even stole from other children with a stealing a large girl organization monies and was arrested for it.  The Father laid down close to $75,000 in attorney fees for the child custody battle in order to get his child and provide a more stable home environment for the child.  In addition, the Father and I have provided furniture, clothing, money, extra flights, 800#, email account access, etc. for the child so when the power is out again at her Mom's house, the phone is out again at her Mom's house, etc., she has a way to reach her Father.  Courts, attorneys, and mediators all start to sound like the female attorney you had on your show.  Not only are they clueless when it comes to what they are doing can severely impact the lives of many children, but that they are also BLIND when it comes to the real issues.  Fathers want time with their children. Fathers are parents too.  Fathers want to do more for their children.  This is a different generation, and yes, the residential custodian can have STRONG manipulation on a child.  So much so that she says because the child lives with her that "she knows what her thoughts and wishes are."  Earlier this year, we found out that the child "begged" and cried asking to live with her Father.  It is our understanding that the Mother went into a manic phase of crying, screaming and "you don't love me" discussion with the child that the child is worried about "stressing" out her Mother when she even "asks to spend time with Dad."  Please Dr. Phil, do more, more than you have ever done before for children who are growing up learning how to be "pleasers" because they do not have rights themselves.  It is not a choice for the children and there is absolutely no constituational right or justice for a Father in this country.  Times have changed and men want to be with their children--they are not a paycheck, they are people who should be a guidepost for their children.  Okay, I have quickly typed my draft novella...thank you for your time.