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Replies to '12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"'
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October 4, 2008, 4:01 pm PDT
 Quote From: grapeseed26 I left my husband over 33 years ago. At the time my son was under 3 years old. My husband was a gambler and physicially abusive. I took my son and ran, and ran, and ran. I moved from place to place so my baby and I would be safe. After many years my divorce was granted. I took back my maiden name and legially changed my sons last name to my maiden name. My husband was not granted visitation due to his violence actions. He never hurt my son, only me. I ran because I thought that one day perhaps he would harm my son. I'd rather die then have him harm my son. What would you have done? Keep in mind that with was int he early 1970's. Things were so different back then. The abusinve husband was just removed from the home and taken for a ride aroudn the block to "cool off. I was always afraid to have him arrested due to the beating I would endure because of my actions of having him arrested. I only had him arrested once. I am asking this now because in the last 4 months my sons father has contacted my son. This is between my son and my ex. I am told by my son "this is not about you". I agree but wonder if I should sit down with my son and let him know of the abuse. This is a topic that I have kept inside me for over 33 years and the emotions were hidden for so long. For some time after my son told me his birth father was around I was on the edge just waiing for my ex to come barging thru my door and kill me. I am better now. but the thought is still in the back of my mind. The relationship my son and I have is wonderful. he is a fantastic man. He is now married with a family of his own. His wife is also a wonderful person. She is respectful enough to know that this is a topic between my son and I. Would you have done the same? Take your child and run to keep him safe? Thank you for reading and I DO look forward to your reply. I need help with this topic and it is eating me away. I am in counceling at the moment but I feel that I need some interactions via email with someone who can relate to my situation. As I watched the show yesterday on Brainwashing I wondered if I silently fit into this catogory. I think not. I did this for the safety of my son and I never said one negitive word about his birth father. In fact his BF was a taboo subject. It just was never spoken about. Please help me on this.
I think what you did was great. I was in a simular position as you, but my children who were8 and 4 our youngest being disabled were molested while in the care of their father and his young girlfriend. They would put them in this room with this monster and were sexually molested over and over again. My oldest tried to tell her dad what was happening and he told her to go away. You got the chance to leave before your child was hurt. My husband and I, along with our childrens doctors and pshc decided to move out of state to get away from all of the stress, so our daughters could heal. I know we made the right decision,it has been 3 years since we left. Even though I do blame him for being neghlectful to our children, I do not talk bad about him to our children. But he hasnt had any contact with them in over 1 year now. His siters just started emailing us, wanting something to do with them, but they had bad mouthed me and my husband saying took the girls out of their lives and they will hate me when they are older. I do not believe this noncense that fly s out of their mouths and have chosen to take the high road and not say anything back. It will take a long time for my girls to heal,and has been hard on all of us. I find myself thinking I should have known what was going on, and I should have protected my children better. Leaving the state to get away from them was the best thing we ever did. We are just trying to heal now,you are a great mother for protecting your child so something like this couldnt happen to him. |
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October 4, 2008, 7:46 pm PDT
Quote From: grapeseed26 I left my husband over 33 years ago. At the time my son was under 3 years old. My husband was a gambler and physicially abusive. I took my son and ran, and ran, and ran. I moved from place to place so my baby and I would be safe. After many years my divorce was granted. I took back my maiden name and legially changed my sons last name to my maiden name. My husband was not granted visitation due to his violence actions. He never hurt my son, only me. I ran because I thought that one day perhaps he would harm my son. I'd rather die then have him harm my son. What would you have done? Keep in mind that with was int he early 1970's. Things were so different back then. The abusinve husband was just removed from the home and taken for a ride aroudn the block to "cool off. I was always afraid to have him arrested due to the beating I would endure because of my actions of having him arrested. I only had him arrested once. I am asking this now because in the last 4 months my sons father has contacted my son. This is between my son and my ex. I am told by my son "this is not about you". I agree but wonder if I should sit down with my son and let him know of the abuse. This is a topic that I have kept inside me for over 33 years and the emotions were hidden for so long. For some time after my son told me his birth father was around I was on the edge just waiing for my ex to come barging thru my door and kill me. I am better now. but the thought is still in the back of my mind. The relationship my son and I have is wonderful. he is a fantastic man. He is now married with a family of his own. His wife is also a wonderful person. She is respectful enough to know that this is a topic between my son and I. Would you have done the same? Take your child and run to keep him safe? Thank you for reading and I DO look forward to your reply. I need help with this topic and it is eating me away. I am in counceling at the moment but I feel that I need some interactions via email with someone who can relate to my situation. As I watched the show yesterday on Brainwashing I wondered if I silently fit into this catogory. I think not. I did this for the safety of my son and I never said one negitive word about his birth father. In fact his BF was a taboo subject. It just was never spoken about. Please help me on this.
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