Replies to '12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"'

I'm considered the evil "step-parent". I have had to stay in the wings and witness everything that my husband has had to endure from a non-custodial standpoint. He is a loving and caring parent. He has had to fight and fight and fight for every holiday or vacation. The ex is as adept at manipulating the courts as she is at manipulating her child.

 

My husband has been a victim of PAS for years. There are hundreds of e-mails demonstrating her complete resistance to co-parent. In my reasearch into the child custody issue, I found that your statements above are so right on. I agree 100%. Now what do we do to see that children get a fair shake at knowing both "fit" parents?

 

I really didn't feel that either guest of Dr. Phil's was very good, namely Mel Feit or Liz Kates. They were both so extreme and obviously were there for entertainment value alone. But the fathers were heartbreaking. The final plea of Ken has been the same a my husband's to his 15 year old for the almost 2 years that his son has refused to see him. 

 

My husband has always paid every dime of his child support on time. He is loving and caring father. What does he do now? Has he lost his child for good?

Like many others, I wrote part of my story. The platform needs to move to more discussion about solutions. I have no idea, and doubt anyone else has any idea, how many "fit" parents there are in divorce situations. I'm going to assume 50/50. So, for the 50% that aren't "fit" parents, how does the court system deal with them? And, for the 50% that are "fit", who is going to referee the disagreement that is going to ultimately occur over which doctor to use, or which school to attend, or even more likely, which religion is going to be the religion of choice. 1 reason people get divorced, even "fit" people, is because they disagree over basic issues. I don't really think maximizing 1 parents power for decisions affecting the children is bad, unless abused. Although it is a fine line & very subjective, that abuse needs to be dealt with. When "fit" parents disagee over which doctor to use, are you going to have an arbitrator or courts decide what is in the best interest of the child while the child dies?

Legally, I was a child support payment center only. So, I had no control over schools, doctors, religion etc. I did not agree at all with the decision about religion, Ex is Baptist & I'm Methodist. However, I recognized some religion was better than none. I thought religous tolerance was good. So, I took my children to church, but they rebelled, mainly because their idiot grandmother denegrated methodism. If I had had my children's best interest in mind, I probably should have attended their Baptist church and cut out the conflict. Their grandmother probably would have changed her religion.

I tried to focus on my children. I failed in some areas, like religous preference. I am very blessed and perhaps very lucky, because my children turned out pretty good, actually, very good considering the revolving door of 4 step fathers and numerous live-in boy friends.

The older I have gotten, the more I realize allot of what I fought against or had anger over was the un-known and my way versus my ex's way. I also realize I had no support system (parents died when young, brother & sister had no children) & I was not knowledgeable enough to deal with some of the problems I was confronted with after divorce. I think every divorcee with children should be required to go thru post partum training to help them deal with some of the issues. Court ordered training, paid for by those who can afford it & no payment for those who can't. Who does it & how does it get funded? Well, it gets funded partly by state tax revenue & partly from fines from those that interfere with child visitation orders. Cost could also be reduced by volunteer efforts from the metal health "professionals" or from religous oranizations. In my opinion, religous organizations have totally missed the target on providing post partum couseling.

After reading allot of the blogs after the show, it appears pretty obvious their is a problem with PAS. Now, the real issue is what to do about it.