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Replies to '12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"'
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October 5, 2008, 9:22 am PDT
 Quote From: samb027 As i watched this show, I wondered why everyone seemed to be so concerned with the parents. How they shouldn't be accused of "child abuse" for this alienating of their kids. I AM OUTRAGED!! I am a 26 year old woman, who is a child of divorced parents. My parents divorced when I was 13. Let me just paint a picture for you parents who are so concerned about your own problems that you don't take the time to give your children the proper attention. Both of my parents spoke ill of eachother too me. My mom was the worst about it, but i lived with her more. When they weren't badmouthing eachother, they were trying to run their own agenda somehow. My dad was trying to "get his money's worth" of time with me (he paid a lot of child support). And my mom was trying to teach me to be as inseccure and co dependant as her. In the meantime, here I sat. My grandma always said I was the oldest acting person in the family. I tried to teach myself to be an adult the best way I knew how. I made a lot of adult friends. i went to church. But in the end, I ended up with a man who i pretty much forced to love me. He invited me into his world of drugs and alcohol and my life spun out of control. I married the guy. we just recently divorced. I finally opened my eyes to how I should be treated and how I should be acting. I got sober and have been so for almost a year now.
At any rate, my point is this: PLEASE... for the sake of your children... be their parents. Don't be their friends. Don't make them hate your ex as much as you do. Don't tell them about all of your problems. And please don't EVER tell them you are thinking about killing yourself!! Really... you just tore their world apart by shipping out your ex... removing one of their parents from their life. Don't make it worse. I believe any parent who has gone through divorce should seek therapy as well. If nothing else... it's a good place to vent, instead of in a bar or to your kids. Thanks for listening(reading).
I read your message and my heart goes out to you. You are a walking talking poster for what fighting divorcing parents do to their children. I hope everyone reads your message. Keep sober and God Bless you. Sounds like you had a loving Grandmother also.
Divorce is always hurtful for children, no matter how amenable the divorce may be. I was divorced when my child was 4 yrs old. Although we lived about twelve hundred miles from her paternal grandparents, I kept her in touch with them and always left the door open for her father to have a relationship with her. He remarried and was not happy, he still lived in the same state. He left this person and went home to his parents. When he learned that I was remarried .he said that neither his child or me would ever hear from him again. He was supposed to pay child support of $15 a week, I asked him to put this money in a saving fund for her, he refused. She saw her grandparents and they came to her wedding. Out of some kind of loyalty to him they would not tell her anything about her father. Someone finally told her that he lived in another state close to them, he was married and had three children. Her aunt (father's sister,only sibling) died of breast cancer and later that same year her grandfather died. My daughter, married with 2 children of her own went to the funeral. I know that she hoped to see her father. When he learned that she was coming he took his family and went back home. He did not go and support his mother and attend his father's funeral. Her grandmother lived some years after her husband's death and she came and visited and my daughter went to visit her. When she got ill and it was evident that she would die, she told my daughter that she had to make her son in charge of her small estate and the only way that he would agree to do this was if my daughter was not mentioned in her will. His children did not know that she existed. We never figured out why he did this and he died about 7 yrs. ago. My daughter had her 60th birthday last month and she has spent her life feeling like something was missing and that she was never "good" enough. It is a terrible thing that we do to our children. I never said one bad word about her father and she had a wonderful step-father. |
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