Replies to '12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"'

I was reading the other posts about this and thought I was in the twighlight zone.  Unfortunately the lawyer that was on the show was not very eloquent in her arguments and Dr. Phil bulldozed over her.  I think the semantics are very important and it is important to resist calling this a "syndrome".  There are sets of BEHAVIORS to explore on both sides of this issue and it is just as likely that the parent making the accusation of parental alienation is the one being retaliatory.  Calling it a syndrome will  dilute the issue and allow people and the courts to slap a label on an issue with a lot of gray area.  Remember years ago when ADHD awareness was raised and nearly every kid with a behavior problem or an excitable nature was diagnosed and put on Meds?  I think you risk the same type of scenario if you don't look at subtle, individual characteristics in each situation.  Now I am a therapist and believe in the importance of correct diagnosis but I think it is important not to rally on the latest bandwagon. 

The people on this post have an absolutely valid argument that there are sometimes real and tangible reasons for a child to choose loyalty to one parent over the other and it is even HEALTHY to do so.   I also think that we do a disservice to our children to gloss over the very destructive and yes abusive behaviors of some parents (on both sides of this issue and with attention to age appropriate discussions with the child).  Who would have this conversation with their child: "Mom/dad-I don't want to visit dad /mom.  He/she always puts me down and ignores my feelings."  "No honey, dad/mom really loves you and visiting him/her is what you should do."?  Talk about codependency and invalidating a child's sense of self worth!

I was reading the other posts about this and thought I was in the twighlight zone.  Unfortunately the lawyer that was on the show was not very eloquent in her arguments and Dr. Phil bulldozed over her.  I think the semantics are very important and it is important to resist calling this a "syndrome".  There are sets of BEHAVIORS to explore on both sides of this issue and it is just as likely that the parent making the accusation of parental alienation is the one being retaliatory.  Calling it a syndrome will  dilute the issue and allow people and the courts to slap a label on an issue with a lot of gray area.  Remember years ago when ADHD awareness was raised and nearly every kid with a behavior problem or an excitable nature was diagnosed and put on Meds?  I think you risk the same type of scenario if you don't look at subtle, individual characteristics in each situation.  Now I am a therapist and believe in the importance of correct diagnosis but I think it is important not to rally on the latest bandwagon. 

The people on this post have an absolutely valid argument that there are sometimes real and tangible reasons for a child to choose loyalty to one parent over the other and it is even HEALTHY to do so.   I also think that we do a disservice to our children to gloss over the very destructive and yes abusive behaviors of some parents (on both sides of this issue and with attention to age appropriate discussions with the child).  Who would have this conversation with their child: "Mom/dad-I don't want to visit dad /mom.  He/she always puts me down and ignores my feelings."  "No honey, dad/mom really loves you and visiting him/her is what you should do."?  Talk about codependency and invalidating a child's sense of self worth!