Replies to '06/06 "I'm Gay, OK?"'

Please come back to this topic in ten years and let us know how your friend is doing. That is if he is still sane or alive.  

  

One can turn their back on their true selves for only so long and then the pain manifests itself in all sort of illnesses including depression. I know first hand because I was married to two men for twenty years and hid the fact that I am gay until I was 47. When I finally came out it was like coming Home and I felt normal for the first time in my life. And I was celibate too. For awhile until I was ready. 

  

I wish for your friend the joy and luck that he find a man to love who shares his beliefs and that they have a child together to love, praise and raise to be a kind human being. It happens all the time and I hope it happens for him! 

 There are thousands of people like this.

However, there's a double standard as someone has pointed out. 

If someone goes from straight to gay, it's a celebration!  If someone goes from gay to straight, it's like 'how DARE you'"  "It's a lie"  "it can't happen!" 

All the while, telling us that it's difficult to be gay, and if they had a choice in the matter, they'd be straight.

Then, they go on to tell us that we're close minded, judgmental, hypocritcal etc. 

Lifestyle is behavior.  Sexuality is one's desire - IE: who one falls in love with - that is NOT a choice.  Falling in love is quite involuntary.   

  

One question:  Did your friend lead a promiscuous homosexual lifestyle?  Every person that I've ever heard about who supposedly "changed" their sexuality had led a very promiscuous, decadent lifestyle and basically became sick of the "behavior."  I have never heard of anyone who was homosexually monogamous or celibate who changed desire.   

  

As a Psychologist specializing in the study of human sexuality for the past 40 years, I can tell you that human sexuality is extremely complex - one doesn't simply change desire.  For reasons too numerous to mention, some mentioned elsewhere on this board, I believe there are many, many people living heterosexual lifestyles, while repressing their natural homosexuality, with dire consequences down the line.  It would appear that your friend has joined them.  

  

And as for sin -- Consider that all humans are potentially bi-sexual from birth.  It is only through the pervasive, forced  "heterosexism" in our society that anyone becomes "exclusively" heterosexual in lifestyle, but not necessarily in desire.