Replies to 'Abuse'

  Moderator:  I have tried what you suggested and it is already set to newest to oldest, didn't help the problem, not only that I have having a terrible time getting a post to "take", and then I don't see it, until I try several more times, EACH time having to go to log on,  which takes me to profile, and I have to "search" all over again to even FIND the thing I was trying to reply to nor is it any better going to just Post a Message. I have checked remember my user name, at log in but It doesn't even though I never leave the site.

  Please do something as I have this problem every time I have visited the boards for months now.  If I weren't doing a copy paste after I type to save while I go through these hoops using this board would be a total exercise in time wasting, while getting no where.

  Right now I really NEED this board to keep me sane and focused and to work or "self esteem" and for the invaluable advice from others that have "been there done that".

  Please help correct this MAJOR issue, or I see no point in even checking out the Beta community..   Just too frustrating.

  PLEASENCE 

  I stopped posting while working on "reconcilling" hoping to not get caught up in the "fever" of bragging rights to effect "giving it a chance" or out of shame for the backsliding I have done in  negatively reacting to a passive aggressive emotional abuser.   I talk so strong, but am just a weak female being still "hoping" up to the last to avoid the "unpleasant" and scary next step to really end the marriage, as that REALLY means an end for me financially too, and being so old and not responsible to just self.    I am not to proud to admit for all my RESOLVE to not live like I did and sometimes HAVE to still, I am SCARED to death or the "process" of somewhat slitting my own throat, by going to court, let alone really having the ability to find the money to do so, with this stuff going on.  I slip into "just proceed" with your life, forgetting that will HAVE to change to escape the misery of it.  So there you have it.   At this point I would just like to get it OVER, whatever it takes, but reality is you have to do the stuff you have to do, to get it done.

  So hard, not to mention the emotional wreck I can STILL be pulled into being.   And feeling so alone, as I attempt the near impossible isn't helping.  Everyone, from my kids, to my mom is soooo sick of it........of course that futher "isolates".  I do have some "pride" left and so that too gets trampled.  It is nearly impossible to function for my child on many many days................and I know this "weak" state makes me suspectible to his offers to "help" while really just "helping himself" back into the "games".

  AND I know the worst is yet to come, and it will be years before I really can not feel underseige. 

Right now, I know (since I have BOTH vehicles, cause he stole the security from me being able to get tires on the one I really drive.........and since to do what I have to do I NEED the truck) sooner or later I will have to deal with him, and yes, by the time he is done lying to everyone I will look very greedy and bad for taking these things if ONLY to self protect).  Legally they are mine to take, just like he helps himself, but I know I shouldn't have "reacted" to his games making him look the "victim" again.

  Why does this matter, cause it invites those near and dear to chastize and misunderstand as I look as mean and childish as he is.   I cannot "protect" self and child, or meet our needs..........without making him a victim?  I realize I have gotten "lost" in HIS realities (games) again.....but right now can't figure out how to undo, or escape.   This is why I KNOW I can never actually LIVE with him again, and yet.......there is no end seperated or divoriced it seems, as just LOOK at what my efforts have gotten me, more of the same.

  At times it really does seem FUTILE to even try.