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October 21, 2005, 6:37 am PDT
It all comes together
Quote From: ritehere It's difficult to answer this, since I'm not there to see how she operates. One clue though, is the fact that she came into your life when you were vulnerable. She was very helpful at first, but after awhile you began to feel uncomfortable.
Some people feel a need to be in control of somebody else because they have no control in their own lives. (I'm guessing here, because she does NOT control HER kids.) Often times these people will "latch" onto vulnerable people for just that reason, it's easier to get the upper hand that way.
Realize that she probably doesn't even consciousely know she is doing this. It's a behavior trait that is ingrained for whatever reason she needed it at one time in her life. However, knowing this does not make it OK for her to rule your life. This is often how abusive relationships between men and women start too. Send her packing unless she is willing to change her controlling ways.
This may not be the truth of the matter, it's only a guess from what you have written. Thank-you so much. This is the first time since this happened, that the situation has made sense to me. I feel relieved because I was starting to doubt that I did the right thing. What you said IS exactly right. It is a control issue. Do you know that If I even attempted to talk to other ladies, she would be so angry with me or talk trash about the person I was talking to. I had to be just her friend and she had to be the best at everything (ie: mom, friend, money, cook etc.......) Hearing you say it so plainly that she needed to control me because she has no control in her life is bang on! I think it wouldn't have mattered what I had said to her because eventually she would have found some reason to be angry with me. She wanted me to be perfect and that is just not possible. It is sad that it took 6 yrs to figure it out at my childrens expense.
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