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October 21, 2005, 10:53 am PDT
Communication
Quote From: cgrant_18I have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months. I had known him for a couple years before we started dating because of mutual friends. Well, last night I found out that a little over a year ago he was sleeping with a girl from work....while he had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend. I know for a fact that he did not want to be with this girlfriend and didn't know how to breakup with her but that doesn't make the cheating right.
When we got together I asked him if he had ever cheated on any of his girlfriends and he said he had in highshool but that was it. I later asked him if he had ever dated anyone from work (I knew all these people well) and he said no.
Well my question is this....even though the cheating happened before me should I forgive it? I mean he did in fact lie to me when I asked him about his past.
I believe that he wouldn't do this to me...I truly believe that people can change. Am I being naive?
Please, any advice is welcome. I have been in a relationship for about as long as you and was friends with her before as well, and we recently have come to some communication issues like you have. basically lying or not telling the "full" truth. Mostly its been me and I admit that. But when I don't admit something I know I did I think I got away with it. He knows what he did and he's just keeping it from you. Why he is is the question here. Does he still have feelings for her? What really does think about about her? What is he true feelings for you? Is he afraid you'll get hurt? Is he trying to "protect" you? himself? her? This is what goes on in a guys head...one of these questions is the answer.
I also believe a cheater can change but please be careful because I'd hate to see another person hurt my cheating and the feelings of "why" that comes with it. Just find out why he isnt telling you things and just stress the imoprtance of open communication. having an open communication policy is what helps my relationship and could help yours.
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