Replies to '01/20 Dating Double Standards'
|
October 19, 2008, 11:29 am PDT
 Quote From: halzmark11 Is there a dating double standard? Absolutely. At age 61, this long-divorced and childless female has seen and heard about it all from men, other women and her own experience. Examples follow:
I could go on, but you probably get the idea. The older a decent single woman is, the harder iit is to find an equally decent single man.
I don't go to bars (or drink); hold to preconceived ideas about "suitable" age, occupations or physical appearance; or go out with female friends in a posse: all are notions that don't work. I'm a decent and attractive lady who is comfortable with living on her own, but I still would like to find a good man who really wants to grow old with me. I've just about given up on the idea, but I'm looking forward to Dr. Phil's show on older dating to see what else I can do. Sure, I'm getting up there, but I'm not too old to learn something new. I'm close to your age and I agree with you completely. I am head of a single's organization (55 to 75+) in my state, and I hear constantly from men and the women that they can't find anyone descent. Where are they? Do we have unrealistic expectations in who we would like to have in our lives? Men say they want a woman that is attractive, sweet and intellingent, but the first thing they want to do is jump in "the sack". Women say they want someone who is understanding, kind and has a thick wallet, and most times they will settle for anyone that comes along, and gives them the least amount of attention to have companionship. Also we have as many men as women looking for someone to bankroll them as well as take care of them.
In this area as in many communities, women outnumber the men 10 to 1, and if one lady doesn't work out they jump to the next one, the next one etc., and the cavalier attitude about sex is unbelieveable.!!! There are several reasons this happens.
l. Not being able to get pregrenant at this age. 2. While married or in a committed relationship most men have never had to use protection, 3. Being in a new area where you aren't around immediate family and life long friends, adds to the ease of jumping from partner to partner without any embrassment or shame.
Two years ago the actions of the older, single adult population in our area gave this community the reputation (as reported on CNN) as having the fastest growing STD's and AIDS rate of any community in the entire US. That's enough to scare anyone dating at this age.
I wish I had the answer, but I'm looking like everyone else. What makes some of us different is we do not want to be a person that "settles for" just someone who comes along and shows us some attention. There is an older song that goes something like this - "It's so sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along". We should all have a list of criterias for the type of person we would like in our lives, and I've also heard Dr. Phil say there are "deal busters", such as drugs, alochol, violence etc. we will not want in our lives. Meantime, we go on living our lives with the hopes and dreams that along the way we will meet that someone special. We watch the days, months, and years pass by, and are we lonely? Sometimes we are, however we have choices. We can sit at home or go out and live life as fully as possible. I was asked not long ago by a man if I was lonely, and I inquired why he was asking. His response was because women that are lonely are more likely to get involved in relationship faster. I hesitated for a few seconds, and then answered unequivocably that I wasn't most of the time. Being lonely is a choice. There are other options if we choose to take them. What hurts is sometimes not being accepted by your married or your single friends if you are intelligent, independent, outgoing, and attractive. Both side sees you as a threat, but aren't we fortunate at this age to have an avenue to vent, grow and learn?
|
|
|
October 23, 2008, 1:28 am PDT
Quote From: halzmark11 Is there a dating double standard? Absolutely. At age 61, this long-divorced and childless female has seen and heard about it all from men, other women and her own experience. Examples follow:
I could go on, but you probably get the idea. The older a decent single woman is, the harder iit is to find an equally decent single man.
I don't go to bars (or drink); hold to preconceived ideas about "suitable" age, occupations or physical appearance; or go out with female friends in a posse: all are notions that don't work. I'm a decent and attractive lady who is comfortable with living on her own, but I still would like to find a good man who really wants to grow old with me. I've just about given up on the idea, but I'm looking forward to Dr. Phil's show on older dating to see what else I can do. Sure, I'm getting up there, but I'm not too old to learn something new. At last someone on the Dr Phil message board who is articulate, precise and level headed. Your letter was a joy to read. Have you ever thought about writing a manual on dating for the older woman, I'm sure it would be a best-seller. |
|
Return to the Message Board
