Replies to '06/03 Virtual Chaos'

You're asking good questions. Thanks for that. Don't worry about my blog time; it's a fraction of what I used to spend gaming, and I get to bed every night by nine or ten o'clock and up at 5 or 6 am and off to work.

I wish Dr. Phil had asked me what's working for me to keep me "game-free" for nine months now.

First, faith in God. Or in 12-step language, belief in a Higher Power.

Second, reconnecting with family and friends and letting them know what's going on.

Third, rigorous honesty with myself and others. Working the Steps. Getting up and going to work like a grown up is supposed to.

:)

Fourth, moderate, consistent physical exercise a few times a week to help lose weight - I've lost 20 pounds - and deal with anxiety, depression and the urge to play.

Fifth, healthy eating, to match the exercise.

Sixth, counselling, and medication (if necessary).

That's my program. It's not rocket science. It's just a more balanced lifestyle.

Brad

www.exgamer.net

     I better make sure this is upfront. I'm a casual player. I never was much of a raider; I mostly went on those to help my guildmates and friends. Other than that, raid content held very little interest to me beyond seeing what they looked like. In terms of Everquest Online Adventure's level 60 epics, if I wanted to complete the quest, I had to gather a raid force to do so. So, these suggestions may not work with a hardcore gamer. I have committed twelve hours of gameplay a couple of times to finish my leveling to 60 and to get those last cms needed for whatever I was gunning for.

 

 1) You can start by limiting your hours of gameplay. 2-3 a day is plenty for any game. An hour isn't realistic to get anything done on an MMORPG beyond chatting/crafting if your game has that feature. EQOA did; I was a level 60 character capable of crafting level 49 weapons (the weakest craft skill if you ask me).

 

2) You should understand what makes you drawn back. Personally, I gave my gaming friends as many possible opportunities to stay in touch with me. Three years ago was the last time that I stopped onto Mar's Fist to see how penpals were doing and what if anything was new. If it's your penpals, your not really drawn back to the game itself; you miss the companionship that you've made during your career.

 

3) If you're a parent of a gamer, you are obviously not monitoring your child's gameplay time. You should treat this game like you would sports, sleep overs, going out, and so on. If your child doesn't obey the rules, you are fully capable of taking the previledge away.

WARNING: The game is something that they enjoy in some way if you take it away; you should not keep it from them until 18. A) They won't know how to manage their time. B) Their addiction will come back even worse than before. C) Under no circumstances should you cave in to outbursts or any such nonsense, you will have given away your authority, and you'll be asking for additional problems.

 

4) If the gamer is your significant other, you need to have a long conversation with them. I agree when they neglect all other aspects of their life like children and yourself; they are in gamer terms griefing you. Gamers reading that; it means your Kill Stealing your love for them for the game; whether, you mean to or not. My reccommendation is this: Allow your significant other to decide when it's ok for you to be on and to get off.

WARNING: Significant others it really can't be never. Should we go on about how many shoes you own, lip stick, Yoga, or so on.

 

     I hope that helps.

I too am still in search of better, more effective ways to help in this area.  I posted this earlier but feel it is worth repeating to anyone interested in helping a friend, family member or someone they care about.  It may not be enough but at least a beginning - a starting point.

 

My son began this new world (WoW) at age 14. He is now 17, extremely intelligent however he also had an episode at age 14 (I believe) that made him turn to WoW for power, strength, self-esteem, etc.  Our entire family realizes the game has been an issue for quite some time now and we conducted our own intervention.  Prior to the intervention I studied a great deal about this game so I'd be able to speak on his level.  We touched on several subjects to help him see into his behavior and way of life.  To this day he denies anything happened at school, however, he came home from school one day and refused to ever return - so you can decide for yourself.  This is when he entered the WoW.

 

My son attended a private school to complete high school and graduate with a diploma.  He graduated one year early and moved away to room with his sister who is attending college.  He enrolled in college, went one day and sadly enough, he couldn't get up to go to school again.  He plays WoW into the wee hours of the morning and simply cannot get up until late afternoon or evening.

 

During our intervention, we all shared how much we loved him, wanted to help him, we all took tests on our attitude, self-esteem and even discussed introvert and extrovert.  I'm sure we made an impact simply because we kept everything on a calm level.  I could not find anyone to lead this intervention, therefore, I studied a great deal and knew I had to remain calm (even being his mother).  He has actually began to come down and eat with us and on occasion watch one t.v. program with us.  He has also mentioned that he would like to try college again.

 

My son is a young 17,as I mentioned earlier, very intelligent and really listened to what we had to say.  He couldn't look at any of us during our conversations, however, he commented regularly so I knew he was with us.  To confirm, the changes I mentioned above began to take place.  He is currently attempting to turn himself around on his sleep pattern due to his desire to return to college.

 

My problem is, I need someone to talk to on a regular basis that can help lead me in the right direction to helping him.  I couldn't find any way to connect with an ex-gamer that has had success quitting this game and maintained success.  I went onto several boards but find no way to contact anyone with their success stories.  I believe he wants to help himself but is drawn to this game time and time again.  He plays all night long, much of the time more than 10 hours and can't seem to get his priorities straight.

 

I don't want my child to be 25 or older and still addicted to this WoW.  A person has one true chance in life to make something of themself and I want to do what is necessary to help him succeed in life.

 

I read some of the comments by other mothers on here asking where to draw the line and I must say... STOP  IT  NOW.  While your child is still new at this game and you have control, please intervene.  Of course you will get the "meltdown", but this is called tough love and I personally wish I had begun long ago.  As time goes on, the addiction becomes worse for those who are addicted.  If you, as a mom or dad, are questioning "if" your child is addicted, you have answered your own question.  YES !!! 

 

My son became addicted very quickly because it was a world of fiction where he could become powerful. Yes, a trauma caused him to turn to this.  Yet, I realized too late and even once realizing, I let it continue so we could focus on getting him through high school and graduating.  He dropped from a straight "A" student to barely passing grades in private school.  He began to not eat, got very thin and extremely pale from lack of sun.  We (my husband and myself) rarely saw him even though he was home all day.  He was once a very out-going person with the desire to have friends.  He is now very withdrawn and lonely. 

 

I had hoped college life would change his perspective since college students are beyond those in high school who have formed their groups and bully other kids.  Sadly enough, he did not give that a chance. Hopefully when he returns to live with his sister and attempt college again, he will find that this is a new world.  Currently, all I can do is pray and speak to him about WoW and tell him stories of all that I've read.  Don't question your gutt feeling as a parent.  Act on it before it gets too far out of hand.

 

If anyone knows of any ex-gamers I can communicate with on a one-on-one basis via email or otherwise that would be willing to talk with my son and myself, I would be grateful to gain this information as I feel only an ex-gamer, one who has been there and beat the addiction, can help someone in this position.

 

Thank you for your time and God Be With You and Bless You