Quote From: dchmtxYour daughter is 4! She doesn't know how to talk about her feelings and emotions. She may not grasp hateful tone with feelings of someone else.
Her father not being in her life has nothing to do with your ability to raise her. I am a single parent of an 8 yr old which I've raised alone from day 1. Teach respect. Explain to her about different "voices" or tones. Kids don't know things unless they are taught. If she wants to tell you something in a hateful tone, tell her you will not listen until she talks nicely. If the grandmother wants to partake in her life, talk with her about her attitude when she returns. You will not allow her to go if she can not behave afterwards. When she respects you, then you will let her go. Again, children will do what they are able to get by with (tempers, etc) and repeat what they are taught.
If the grandmother is telling the daughter bad things about her mother, grandmother needs to be stopped. A 4-year-old doesn't just come home angry with Mom after visiting Dad's mom for no reason. I would be willing to bet grandmother is saying things or telling the child things to turn her against her mother.
If all else fails, take her to a child psychologist, because something isn't quite right with the visual I am getting. Grandmother is most likely up to something and the child shouldn't be put in the middle by mom, it will only make it worse and may actually reinforce anything negative grandmother may be saying about mom.
