Replies to '06/03 Virtual Chaos'

Quote From: colonialweaver

 My husband of 18 years is heavily involved in Second Life.  It began simply enough as a stress reliever.  The dynamics at his work place and the demands on him professionally are stressful.  At the time I thought this was a good thing, especially since he was talking and developing friendships all over the world.  Then his time on the computer started increasing and going into all hours of the night.  I let it pass because I felt it was his down time to have to himself.  Unfortunately, as time went on, I became quite jealous of the time he was spending on the computer.  At that time,  he showed me the game, explained the different aspects of it and what his role was on it.  He also told me about some of his friends-what they did for a living, where they lived etc.  I confessed my jealousy to him and he understood.  We talked; he involved me; I put on my big girl panties and got a grip.  I began to pick up hobbies and passions of my own that I had put on hold thinking that was part of my problem.  I needed more in my life which was true.  Life went on and all was well.  I became more understanding and interested (just enought to show interest but not get in his space) and he spent a little more time with me each evening before going online.  This went on fine until I walked into the computer room (which always has the door shut when he is online to block out the noise from the rest of the house) and discovered his character (which looks so very much like him in real life) receiving oral sex from another character while he himself was physically "taking care of business".  If you can imagine, once the shock wore off; I progressed into devastation; anger; tears; and betrayal.  I went into the room because I could hear him and thought he was having a heart attack.  When he finally came to bed that night he asked if I was angry.  We then had a long talk about how I felt; I made him understand that even though it was a "cartoon" version of him in a fantasy world--it was still him and it was especially hurtful since he hadn't touched me in quite sometime; what his actions put me through; why he did it; did he want out of the marriage;etc.  We talked everything out; worked through it and got past it.   For those who have been through this--you know how you beat yourself up wondering what you are doing wrong; are you overreacting; have you changed in such away that "virtual" people are more interesting or appealing than you are.  Is the life the two of you have built so bad that your spouse prefers the online world.  The time spent on the computer has been steadily increasing.  He comes home from work, checks SL, eats dinner--sometimes watches a little tv with me and then gets on SL until whatever time in the morning.  Sometimes I barely get two words before he closes himself off.  He runs a "business" in SL and I know he enjoys it because he feels successful and is working for himself.  I'v reminded him what a wonderful person he is; what a success in life he is but I don't know if it made a difference.  He says he loves me and there is nothing wrong between us but its getting harder to believe.  The scenen I walked in on still comes to mind now and then and affects my level of trust when he spends so much time in SL.  I don't blame SL and I admit I don't understand the attraction;  I just know what I should do.  He has given up some of his other passions and doesn't seem to be interested in things like he used to be.  I just don't want him to get lost in the virtual world and forget to live in this one.  The selfish reasons for my concern is that I don't want to lose him.  My husband is a very intelligent and responsible man.  His SL has not affected his work or outside commitments he has made.  He is spending more that we really can afford but nothing like what I've been reading in other posts.  He is a good man, I just miss him.  Thanks for listening.