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Replies to '01/20 Dating Double Standards'
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October 26, 2008, 3:01 pm PDT
 Quote From: jewelsf I am married to an older man, by 16 years. I was 23 and he was 39 when we were married. It had nothing to do with me wanting to be "taken care of". I'm sure there are some marriages out there like that, but certainly not all. We have been very happily married now for over 21 years and will continue to be until death do we part. When my husband began dating me and then married me, the women in the town we lived in resented the hell out of me. That was so wrong of them. They just assumed that I was after his money and that their own husbands would dump them and get "a young one" too, as if this would put ideas in their heads. It just blows my mind. And BTW, this is his second marriage and my first. Instead of having anything to do with age, it has more to do with finding the right person. We happen to be soul mates and perfect chemistry. I had seriously dated several men prior to meeting my husband, younger and very wealthy. Not once did marriage ever cross my mind. Two weeks after meeting my husband I "knew" I was going to marry him and I was right. People get too hung up on the whole age thing and that is where they are going wrong. Try finding the person you are actually meant to be with and it would amaze you just how easy marriage can actually be. I am also married to a man with a 16 year differential, only I was 39 when I first met my husband and he was 23 ... one week from turning 24 and I quibble over the numbers and say I am 15-1/2 years older.
I was thinking like you when I saw this show because a good marriage isn't about either partner wanting or needing to be taken care of ... it is about loving and sharing life and passions; it is about taking care of each other. When we first met, I tried fixing him up with several younger women I knew but they were all about partying and he was a serious sort of guy ... working full time and going to grad school. One day a group of 20-somethings came giggle past us and he turned to me and asked, "Is that what you want for me?" The answer was a resounding NO! So I decided to enjoy the next six months, figuring it couldn't last and this past Labor Day we celebrated our 23rd anniversary ... of the day we met. We've been married for more than 17 years and are incredibly happy.
After I retired he quit his job, we sold our home and we took a 400-day journey around the world. On our own ... not some expensive guided tour thing. We have lots of things in common and we enjoy life. In response to a random comment from a new neighbor at a party, I made some joke about making sure that things we buy with lifetime warranties go under his name ... she said, "Oh, he can't be THAT much younger." Cracked me up; she has no idea.
We aren't stupid and we aren't oblivious to the future. We've positioned ourselves financially and socially so that either of us will be able to continue to have a good life if and when something happens to the other. Meanwhile, we face adversities as a team and are enjoying life to its fullest. Those hung-up on age need to look deeper and decide what characteristics they want in a person ... not what he or she looks like or what numbers are on a birth certificate. How shallow is that?!
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