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November 2, 2008, 4:11 am PST
Don't worry, you're on the right track
Quote From: flora2I can tell that mother to take her daughter and run. I grew up being disiplined with a belt and switch from an alder tree, as well as verbal punshiment. It was horrible. I had no self esteem and at 62 still bear the scars emotionlly. Don't get me wrong,I loved my parents and when they passed away it left a huge hole in my life. I was able to talk to my father about the extreme punishment before his passing and he acknowledged it was wrong and apologized. That felt so good. My mother died thinking that to spare the rod was to spoil the child, but she was wrong. I miss her so much ,but wish she could have understood.
I have four children whom I love more than life , but I know I damaged them somewhat , although I was better than my parents, I still was far from perfect.
My oldest daughter doesn't like me at all, My youngest daughter I'm not sure off. My oldest son loves me unconditionally, and my youngest son I don't know about? I just feel sad when I watch them struggle to over come the things I did. I can relate to what you say, my mother was the disciplinarian in our family but sadly she died at age 51, leaving all six of us with a lot of unspoken emotions, feelings of love-hate and guilt. She used to say she hated us and wished she'd never had us, etc. Whether she really meant it or not, we'll never know but we felt the impact and I think most of us grew up feeling deeply insecure, though we don't talk about it. As the title of this message says, I think you're on the right track. Your intentions are good. Try tentatively speaking with all four of your children. They'll come round with time, I think. I've just read Tuesdays with Morrie, I feel it might help you too. Good luck.
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