Replies to '12/30 Extreme Discipline?'

Quote From: sanster

I am now 70 years old, married and the mother of 5 children. During the years up until I was 16, my father singled me out to abuse. He called me the most terrible words that I can't write them down. He was an alcoholic and would nearly beat my mother to death. My self esteem is 0 and I have lived a life of depression and fear of speaking up for my needs. I too was sexually abused (by an uncle).  I had 6 siblings and none of them were treated the way I was.  When my father would start beating my mother I would start screaming and putting myself in front of her.  I have attended many 12-step programs but it is not that easy to erase from my mind the things that happened to me. He always told me I was an ugly little bastard, that I was a worthless and the one word he used that would send chills down my mind was to call me a "cocksucker."  I was second in the family and I don't know if that means anything.  I never speak up to my husband and he just doesn't understand the depression. I have been to many counselors but my husband would never attend. Now, we only have about $1500.00 a month to live on so I am unable to afford any further counseling.  Please tell me how I can get rid of this pain and fear!!. I do take an antidepressant daily and I take something to help me sleep. These men never change. I got married at 16 to get away from this and my husband was 25. He is kind and loving (my mother picked him out for me) . My dearest mother was an angel but she had nowhere to go with 7 children.  Thank you for letting me vent this!

Quote From: sanster

I am now 70 years old, married and the mother of 5 children. During the years up until I was 16, my father singled me out to abuse. He called me the most terrible words that I can't write them down. He was an alcoholic and would nearly beat my mother to death. My self esteem is 0 and I have lived a life of depression and fear of speaking up for my needs. I too was sexually abused (by an uncle).  I had 6 siblings and none of them were treated the way I was.  When my father would start beating my mother I would start screaming and putting myself in front of her.  I have attended many 12-step programs but it is not that easy to erase from my mind the things that happened to me. He always told me I was an ugly little bastard, that I was a worthless and the one word he used that would send chills down my mind was to call me a "cocksucker."  I was second in the family and I don't know if that means anything.  I never speak up to my husband and he just doesn't understand the depression. I have been to many counselors but my husband would never attend. Now, we only have about $1500.00 a month to live on so I am unable to afford any further counseling.  Please tell me how I can get rid of this pain and fear!!. I do take an antidepressant daily and I take something to help me sleep. These men never change. I got married at 16 to get away from this and my husband was 25. He is kind and loving (my mother picked him out for me) . My dearest mother was an angel but she had nowhere to go with 7 children.  Thank you for letting me vent this!