Quote From: catfish05My 13 yr old daughter brought home a bad report card. It had a 50 in math a57 in language and a 69 in science. the rest were A's and B's. She was grounded all last year( yes the entire year) for C's. She shows pigs and we raise them she has learned alot from this. And she has won many things. This is something she is very good at and something that she loves. She is in extra help for math. My husband is very strict on her. He has taken all the pigs away from her I mean sold all of them, he has grounded her, and now he thinks we should just be mean to her everyday. He spanked her 3 times last night because she did not have the amount of math problems done in the time that he allows. I think this is alittle extreme. He has only been her father for 4 years.( her real father doesn't care. He stated that he would sign away his rights to her so my husband can adopt her. which he does want to do.) He thinks because he can feel as if she was his own she should automaticaly feel the same. I mean she loves him. but now she has made the statement she does not want him to adopt her. How can I explain to him he is hurting the situation?
I think that he is extreme and that he still need to make sure she knows he loves her.
He told her last night he did not want her to say anything to him about school because she was a lier. because she lied to us. I think that he should still offer for her to talk to him, then we can check it out to find out if she is lying.
Any advice will help.
Your daughter seems to be a very bright and intelligent young girl. She is at an age where her hormones are running rampant. Your husband need not take everything away from her, especially her favorite items. Yes her math and language have to be brought up to a passing grade but if everything is taken away why would she want to improve? Sit down and talk with her. Is she willing to accept help from a friend or tutor. This just may be a bad spot at this time that she is having a hard time with. Sometimes sitting down with her and helping out, letting her know that you and your husband truly care helps. Lets face it, if she's having a hard time and can't do the work, why try when she's going to be punished regardless. What expectations does your husband want from her. We all can't be perfect. Has she always lagged in Math and Language, if so get her help.
If he's calling her a liar, nothing is more demeaning. She needs that chance to talk, perhaps she wants to say I need help. This punishment will carry with her for a lifetime and its not fair. Speak with the school and see how she is doing and what areas she needs help. What do they have to offer. Those who accuse someone of lying are they themselves liars and don't trust people.
Good luck to your daughter. I have raised 3 children, all out of school now. Some years were great and others weren't. They picked themselves up though and learnt by it. Keep in mind, Life is a Learning Lesson. She is already hurting inside she doesn't need the extra hurt and pain inflicted.
Good Luck
Rita
