Replies to '11/20 Spouses at War'

Thanks for your thoughtful message. I have considered that ADD might be my problem, but when I went to the doctor... the last time was about ten years ago, trying to solve the problem, that isn't what he found. I really don't know about the ADD, I consider it a posibility in addition to my other problems, but what they found was much more complex.

 

My diagnosis was a sleep disorder. I also have a thyroid problem. When they did the sleep study they found nothing wrong with my nights sleep, The problem was that in the morning they discovered that my brain waves showed that I was asleep while they were talking to me. I was going through sleep stages every few minutes taking 30 second to one minute mini naps. They experimented with me. I can read when I am asleep. I can apparently drive while I am asleep. I haven't had an accident in 13 years. I can carry on a rational conversation while asleep, and everything anyone else can do. I have these sleeps frequently all day long, but I don't think it empairs what I do.

 

No one but my immediate family has ever picked up on it, and they just call it getting spacy. The doctors have no idea why I am this way. They call it idiopathic which means unknown cause. I become excessively sleepy but I never apparently doze off in a way anyone notices, unless I am extremely sick. I watch other people doze off during TV time, but I almost never do that. I have trouble getting to sleep most of the time, when I go to bed, and it is very rare for me to obviously sleep anywhere else, but during the day apparently my brainwaves go into sleep pattern.

 

This problem gets better and worse depending on what else is going on, and how much stress I have, and how much rest I get. I never found it to be much of a problem before I had kids, though there were a few times when I would get exhausted and run down for no apparent reason. I was a graphic artist with a career when we got married. After the second child though that became impossible. I had a major colapse after giving birth. My whole disposition changed, I can't even remember most of her first two years. I functioned during that time though, more or less. No one really noticed except my oldest daughter. That was 12 years ago, and since then it seems like I have been trying to dig myself out of a hole. I have good seasons and bad seasons. I'll get better and take an active role in things for a while, only to find myself exhausted and unable to go on for months at a time.

 

Sometimes my states actually heighten my awareness of other people. I often pick up on things that other people have gone through, and could be refered to as a psychic. I am very intuitive when it comes to other people and their energies, and interactions. I tend to be spiritual, and visionary. During the times that I am in heightened awarness of other people's vibes I do very well. I am usually happy, but when I don't feel connected and can't connect, I feel very exhausted and despondent. 

 

I pay little attention to most inanimate objects though. I am not interested in material things much. I lived a very spartan life before I got married, and i liked it that way. My husband gets gratification from buying gifts for himself. Getting rid of the stuff isn't something that is an option. I think if I was smarter I'd figure out a way to store this stuff, or even display it, but I really don't feel like doing that.

 

My husband takes a lot of pride in his alertness, and I would describe him as hypervigilant. He tends to be nervous, and constantly aware of the here and now. He tends to be high strung, while I tend to be very laid back. It has caused a lot of friction between us, but I think we have come to the conclusion that neither of us can help how we are. We love each other, and I am not picky enough to care about the house. He cares, but not enough to get rid of anything. As long as he isn't yelling at me I am OK with the situation.

I can relate to shutting down.  I used to love my husband no matter what.  There have been so many things done and said that I have shut down and he has too.  He may try to do something good for  a day or two.  I don't believe his words when he says he is going to do better.  I feel myself starting to not only dislike him, but hate him for making my life so miserable. He is only concerned about himself.  We have gone to counselling and he says that he knows that most of our problems are because of him, but he doesn't apologize or deal with them once we leave the session.  I decided to stop going because it seemed to be a waste of time and energy.  I want to have a happy marriage and life, but I can't seem to trust him.  He lies and tries to deceive me about his whereababouts and who is talking to on the phone.  Not sure what to do at this point.