Replies to '06/10 Marriage Crisis: Drowning in Debt'

by having a family meeting and voicing your truth, which is theirs also. They are in the same boat as you, struggling and worrying. IDK, but Christmas and other holidays are a time to be together, and hard times are a time to pull together as a family. Put both hard times and holidays together and it can be the setting for either animosity or cooperation. Get off the notion that Christmas means buying people stuff that, in two months, they will forget about anyway. I have lost my job and am living very frugally off my savings, hoping it wont run out before I am employed again. If it does, I will lose my house. I have announced that I will not be giving gifts this year, and everyone understands. The idea of going into MORE debt by going along with the popular culture "thing to do" is insane. I would be disappointed if I thought that my worth to my family lay in what I could give them for Christmas. What I want for Christmas couldn't be bought at any price. What I want is for the economy to improve, for people put out of a job to get one, and for the housing market to go back up again. You don't owe your family an explanation if why you can't afford to give them a gift for Christmas, just that, with times being tough, you can't. Period. There are many things we can do for others that do not require money. Our time and out talents, for two. If you have been self-designated as the family "caretaker", it might be time for you to get out of the "designated martyr" business. It's your job to take care of your family first, then help others if you are able. Perhaps they are not living up to their full potential because you have taken up their slack. Perhaps the greatest gift you can give them is self-reliance.

Hello, For the first time I had to tell my 3 nieces and 2 nephews parents that I couldnt buy x-mas for them this year, but they all understood because they know what we are going through. They are my family!! You should be able to tell your family that you just can not buy for everyone this year. If its the adults you cant buy for then just straight out tell them you cant buy for them. I told the adults last year I wasnt buying for them and they all agreed we wouldnt buy for adults last year. You just have to be honest and up front in these kind of stituations. Good luck and Happy Holidays.

You don't have to say  "no"-- just spend less than usual on each child. If you think it will be obvious, you can let the parents know beforehand that you're doing this. They should understand; everyone knows what hard economic times we're going through. It willlet them off the hook a little, too, so they may be relieved.

The first thing I would suggest doing is googling- buy nothing Christmas or buy nothing holidays.   It is actually a movement out there that I love and support which is trying to put the emphasis of gifts and material things and back onto family.  Reading between the lines of what you have written I feel that this is exactly what you want.  

Many of the gifts they will suggest on the sites are home made things.   These don't need to be complicated!  A few ideas.
1.  Do you still have some books that you enjoyed in your child hood?  Why not write a personalized message in the front of what you liked about the book and give them to your niece or nephew.   That way they can enjoy the same book without you having to purchase a new one and it will be special because you wrote them something special.
2.  Use things you already have (old containers, craft supplies) etc to create toys, games, and puzzles.
3.  Make coupons for things that don't cost money.   What better gift than a coupon to do something fun with you such as going to the park, going on a nature walk etc.  Or how about a coupon for you to clean there room, do there chores for a day.  And don't forget what about a coupon for a hug and kiss.  

You can also bake, knit, craft.  The ideas are limitless.  If you have a specific project in mind let me know (I'll try to check back-I've been really busy so I haven't been here much lately) and I will see if I can help you with a plan for it.  

If this doesn't work for you though what I would suggest is talking to your family about the whole families financial situation.  If they are worse of than you they may be equally happy to not have to worry about gifts or have to feel bad because you gave them a gift and they can't afford to return the favor.   It may be the happiest thing for everyone to sit down and clear the air.