Replies to 'Betrayal'
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October 26, 2005, 1:44 pm PDT
 Quote From: healthy1 I have never used a message board before, but here goes. I guess I am not sure where to start, except to say that I have lost all of my friends, at least lost people who I "thought" were my friends. It was my own fault and made some very stupid decisions. I guess what I did was too big for my friends to forgive me. In a nutshell, I had an affair, and in that process, lied or disclosed the truth, which is the same thing only in a different form and now they have all turned their back in disgust. I am not sure what to do. My husband and I are working things out. Marital counseling is expensive and the therapists in our town are your basic "tell me what your thinking" type. I guess I haven't seen a lot of good results with marital therapists and are down on them at the moment. Anyway, I guess I am at a loss. My reputation is shot, due to my own actions. I do not have any support, except maybe my sister, but our family has never learned to communicate. I am not out of hope, but just need some guidance. Not sure how to make new friends...too paranoid they all think or know what I did and wouldn't want to be my friend.... anyway, I know I am not the only person who has had an affair, I just am feeling so lost right now. I have betrayed many. You know people say "You cheat once, You cheat again".And people hate cheaters.Its nice that your husband wants to work things out,but to a lot of people it wont be the best thing.You will always feel guilty,and your husband won't gain all his trust that he had for you before.Yes, there's therpist,couseling,and everything else.But you also always hear, Friends come and go",But your family will always be there. I know its really hurtful that you lost your friends,But a lot of people lose their friends too. I was best friends with a girl named Heather.we did everything together,camping,skiing,disneyworld.(etc)Her family was my family,and mine was hers.But when i got pregnant @ 17 i was afriad to tell her because, iwas this little innocent girl,that never did anything wrong.So everytime i was around her,i felt weird,and i started acting different.She knew something was wrong,But she ignored it.I started ignoring her,and being more into my boyfriend.I sotopped talking to her,and nobody knew why.I missed everything that we did together.And i still do to this day.I lost her over something very stupid.And it was my fault.But i didnt want her to have a different feeling about me. So just move on,maybe meet some new friends.But with your husband.Its up to you on what you want to do.But it wont ever be as good as it use to be. |
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October 29, 2005, 7:38 pm PDT
Quote From: healthy1 I have never used a message board before, but here goes. I guess I am not sure where to start, except to say that I have lost all of my friends, at least lost people who I "thought" were my friends. It was my own fault and made some very stupid decisions. I guess what I did was too big for my friends to forgive me. In a nutshell, I had an affair, and in that process, lied or disclosed the truth, which is the same thing only in a different form and now they have all turned their back in disgust. I am not sure what to do. My husband and I are working things out. Marital counseling is expensive and the therapists in our town are your basic "tell me what your thinking" type. I guess I haven't seen a lot of good results with marital therapists and are down on them at the moment. Anyway, I guess I am at a loss. My reputation is shot, due to my own actions. I do not have any support, except maybe my sister, but our family has never learned to communicate. I am not out of hope, but just need some guidance. Not sure how to make new friends...too paranoid they all think or know what I did and wouldn't want to be my friend.... anyway, I know I am not the only person who has had an affair, I just am feeling so lost right now. I have betrayed many. There is absolutely not one person around who has not made a mistake, it happens and the imporant thing to ask your self, "are you sorry for what you did"? and if you are then ask for forgiveness. and then ask yourself, "what am I willing to do to make things right?' then when you discover the answer, then do it. I do not believe in the myth that once a cheater, always a cheater for if one is truly and honestly sorry for the mistake then they will do everything in their power to make it better and they will work darn hard at it. You must be willing to make yourself accountable for your actions, you are very fortuante that you have a husband who is willing and ready to forgive you and to help your marriage to work out, love and appreciate him for that and let him know where you are going and what you are doing and make sure he is always able to reach you and if plans change, be the first one to let him know, you gotta start fromt he bottom and prove your self trustworthy and remember that it takes two to make a marriage loving and lasting, ask your self, what went wrong in your marriage to casue you to want to have an affair? I can almost bet that BOTH of you played a part in the reasoning. You both need to communicate and share your feeelings and thoughts and own your own part and come together and seek out help. As far as other people go, you can't change them or their thoughts but you can change you and your thoughts, set goals for your self and set out to be the best wife that you can be and at the same time, know that you are a better person then what people are giving you credit for and remember that actions speak louder then words, if you truly want to love and respect your husband and marriage then you will act upon it and do something about it regardless of how hard it may be. I am sure those judging you have their own sins to think about and probably some of them are hidden and they are the only one who knows about them, your not perfect but you have admitted your mistake and your husband is there with you trying to work things out and that is what you need to be thankful for, the only one you need to please at this point is you and your husband. And I know people who have made these type of mistakes int heri marriages but they were sorry and worked things out, it didn't happen over night but marriage CAN survive even after affairs but the couple has to be honest with themselves as well as each other and put the work and effort towards their marriage. |
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