Replies to 'Getting Along With Your In-Laws'

Thank you so much for responding!  I talked to my husband last Friday night and told him my decision was to stay home.  He was really disappointed of course, but says he understands my feelings, to a point.  He is a people pleaser-so he wants me to do what I need to do to make everyone happy and keep peace in the family.  He said eventually I have to lay my cards on the table for her!  This upset me because being a people pleaser all during my childhood and adolescent years, only got me hurt and helped me learn that I have to make my own decisions and stand up for what I believe in-regardless of how it makes anyone else feel.  I am not a cold hearted bitch, I understand the pain he is going through with the loss of his mom, but who wants to spend Thanksgiving crying and mourning?  I am human, I do feel bad for not being with him-but I avoid my own father and my own brother because of how they make me feel-so why should I allow his sister to walk all over me?  She never asks where I am when he goes to see her without me-so it's obvious that she doesn't like me either.  But, he sugar coats everything and makes excuses-I told him no more.  The thing is, after how she treated me at Christmas time, I honestly doubt that she even thinks she did anything wrong.  I will be made out to be the bad person-no matter what I do and I am afraid that eventually, it's going to drive a wedge between my husband and me.  She is all he has left other than an aunt and a cousin who lives in DC.  I hope you are right-I hope that she gets upset when he tells her why I am not there.  I hope she goes into one of her fits and starts calling me names-anything just to piss him off and make him realize what her true colors really are.  I told him, I could write her out of my life completely and it really would not bother me.  Yesterday, I asked him if he would stay home with me and the kids for Thankgiving and then he could drive down over the weekend to see his family.  He said no, the whole point was to see his family and cousin on Thanksgiving.  I offered to hold off on our dinner until Saturday after he gets home and he didn't even sound like that was really all that important to him.  Then he said I only made the offer to make him feel guilty-which is so not true.  I didn't think about it that way at all--I was just trying to talk him into a compromise.  Since he has NEVER spent Thanksgiving with his family, I guess I don't understand the importance of it now.  I know his mom is gone, but if he insists on mourning her, why can't he do it with us?  As awful as this sounds, I feel like he is choosing HER over me.  I should not be competing for him with her-but I know that is how she will see it-like she won.  She told me a few years ago during one of our arguments that "blood is thicker than water baby."  That alone tells me that she is going to do her best to take him away from me.  I came from a broken home and I do not want to raise our kids that way.   This whole situation just pisses me off and like you said, makes me feel so many different emotions.  I will try to put the smile on my face as he walks out the door on Thanksgiving day, but I will be crying inside.  So-piss on him-I will make our turkey and we will do what I normally do on Thanksgiving-have a nice peaceful meal and talk about what we are thankful for.  I have to admit though, the evil part of me wants to go with my husband and ruin her holiday the way that she ruined mine.  I could- not eat my food, complain about dessert and heaven forbid-break a piece of her Waterford!  Hey-she throws it at her own mother, so why can't I wing one at her right??  Unfortunately, I have morals and values and as fun as that would be, my kids are more important than sinking to her level.  What a bitch!  Anyway-thanks again for your advice and making me feel better about my decisions.  All the best!!