Replies to 'Spirited Kids'

I cannot believe any doctor would prescribe Depakote to a child. I am an adult with Bipolar disorder and take Depakote. Depakote is so hard on your body. My PDOC would prefer me  (as a adult) to be able to use a different medication due to the risks, but Depokote is what works for me. Also, I am suprised you say he was given Depakote for depression as Depakote is a anti-eplipetic medication that is also used for controlling mania in people with Bipolar Disorder. It is not an anti-depressant. I really hope the doctor explained throughly the damage it can and often does cause. I hope your doctor is requiring regular testing of depakote levels and liver function.  

  

I am sorry, but this seems as irresponsible as giving Lithium to a child. I would get a second opinion. and fast. 

Thanks for the tip that depression shows up as anger in boys!  Does this hold true for men too?  I have a husband who I believe may be depressed, but he isn't sad, just angry all the time.  He especially takes it out on our 3 year old son, by yelling at him and threatening spankings (which I told him he would not be doing to our children as long as I have breath in my body!).  When he is calmer and less stressed, like after a good night's sleep or a vacation, he is perfectly wonderful to our son!  And he doesn't direct it at our newborn daughter.  I will have to ask our doctor.  As to the behaviour of the 4.5 year old boy - our son can be like that too!  People keep telling me it's the age.  I am also an ECE with 14 years experience, and feel like a failure sometimes.  How can I manage so well with other people's children (even the difficult ones), and my own son's behaviour is so out-of-control at times?  I think I fugured out part of it at least.  What I know to be effective techniques as an ECE is not necessarily what I do with my own children.  I tend to have a softer touch without realizing it.   I've given extra chances with my son that I would never have given to other children, because I have that professional distance with them.  They're not MINE.  I've been inconsistent and less than firm and that has led him to try to always get one more chance etc.  He's not sure I do mean what I say when I say, "If you don't do as I ask, this consequence will happen", so he ignores me.  Recently, my husband and I have sat down to discuss a new strategy.  I have started only giving one warning about what it is that needs to happen.  ie I ask once; then if he doesn't comply, I warn him of the consequences if he doesn't do it right away; then the consequences happen.  I stick to this pattern every time, just as I would in a preschool situation.  And it's working!  It's slow, and sometimes he reverts to try and see if his old ways will still work.  When he finds out they don't, he behaves again.  I have also begun to ask him instead of telling him.  For example, I say "What do you think will happen if you don't pick up your toys like I've asked?"  Or, "You've spilled your juice.  What do you need to do now?"  This makes him think for himself what the consequences of his actions will be, so he can start to predict it better.  It also lets me know that he really does understand, and I am then less likely to give him another chance because I want to be fair and give him the "benefit of the doubt".  I have found, being an ECE is alot like being "the preacher's son".  The stereotype is that the preacher's son is the worst morally behaved, despite having a moral leader for a role model.  I find that all the ECE training in the world often goes right out the window when you have your own, and we have to be especially careful to employ the same techniques we would use on anyone else's child (even though we all feel like this is not just anyone else's child; this is MY child and he is of course, different and special!)  I'm not saying this is the case here, but it is worth considering.  It has been very difficult to admit that I may have short-changed my son and caused undue stress to my family by being too lenient with my son, but it feels good now that we are back on track!