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Replies to 'Love Being Single'
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March 15, 2009, 3:21 am PDT
 Quote From: yendor44420 Interesting question to think about but yes, single and loving it. I have been up, down, and in between it seems in relationships. I was married at twenty-one, ended that myself eleven years into the relationship due to complications of wanting a little help around the house. I have a son who was five at the time of the breakup. Its now been eleven years since my divorce and I have been in three other long term relationships and the last one pretty much broke me. I now have a four year old daughter who doesnt have her father to help raise her and see her off to bed each night. I have to think of my ex with her new boyfriend raising my child and to top it she tells me how my daughter doesnt listen to either of them. Babys mommy also sees my daughter and how she wants to be with me all the time and how she gives me no problems to a minimal. I can only give mommy advice on how to correct the problem and not give in on my daughters every demand. But again, what do I know? She only seems to listen to me, right? Single being wonderful and oh so great? I dont think its being single thats the highlight here for me. I think its the point of being responsible enough to be in a relationship and not screw it all up or in my case worry about whos going to screw it up for me next. So it just seems easier to stay single and not have to worry about the next downfall. Here I am three years single without even a date and I still dont miss it. I agree. Being single is not a curse or some demon preventing us from love. Choosing to remain single is a choice, just like getting involved in one is. The difference, being single holds a connotation that there is defect or dysfunction, when in my eyes, it could be, just as healthy to be alone as it is to be with someone. And that depends on the two people involved. A lot of relationships become a way to "fix" us or "open our eyes". I have gotten the most amazing insites to myself as far as whom I pick to date, marry, etc. and whom chose to keep at a distance. I am in what is probably the best form of therapy I could have ever found and what we are working on has a lot to do with, at one time maybe we were victims of circumstances when we were young or adolescent and the ways we learned to survive are to be commended for, but now, as adults they no longer work for us! It is simple yet complicated because it means facing our past and then letting it go free. A very hard thing for many to do.
Our choices, in the people that we choose to fall in love with, to the groceries we buy at the supermarket, actually I think I put more thought into my shopping list at times then I have in relationships, lol. Until we learn people are there for us to learn about ourselves, when it goes wrong, we will blame the other person and not look at how we contributed greatly to the demise or the destruction of it. The way we see love relationships, is the way we saw them when we were young and impressionable, but the key word here, is inexperienced and unwise...ok....2 words.
It is easier to stay single and a lot of people choose to, but just like when we are in throes of a bad relationship and want out, when we are single, we are not happy either. So its in really appreciating what is, at the moment, single or dating, and learning about ourselves first. Actually, when people ask me if I am in a relationship, I think from now on I am going to say "yes......to myself". Sounds silly? But if you think about it, it is true. We are never alone we are just choosing to be full time in a committed relationship with ourselves because we know we need to do that right now and we should honor that. Good luck my friend. |
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